Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks: Mirror Traffic

                Pavement’s breakup might have been one of the toughest things to witness. For nearly an entire two years we had to wait for new music from Stephen. Thankfully it sounded basically exactly like old Pavement. Everyone felt happy. I was glad to see it was Stephen with a different backing band. Perhaps everybody in Pavement ended up hating Stephen writing the songs and wanted him to leave. When Stephen found the Jicks, they must have been thinking “Sweet, Stephen writes the songs and we ride his coat tails for a couple of years.”

                Those couple of years has become a full decade. Some people consider the Jicks to be one of the luckiest backing bands ever. Legend has it Stephen found them in a boring part of the Midwest working as a “Led Zeppelin” cover band called “Boron Blimp”. Once they had finished their set and planned on returning to their vans/homes, Stephen offered them indie glory (back when indie meant indie and not ‘Grammy Award Winners’). Jumping at the chance the two have been inseparable. A few people have created a nickname for the relationship with Stephen and the Jicks: they are also known as “Little Boo Peep and the sheep.”

                I remember the joy I’ve had with Stephen’s solo project. One of the first songs I ever played on my radio show was “Pencil Rot” brand new, ready to be unleashed on the college airwaves. Actually, I was offered the extremely lucrative position of unpaid head of the college radio station but being shy I declined. Now I think back to those days of doing nothing but digesting perhaps unhealthy amounts of music looking for the next kick with a tinge of nostalgia. Compared to then I barely listen to any new music. 

                Later on I got to see Stephen play live at the Siren Music Festival in 2008. I talked up how good his performance would be to my friends. Thankfully you did not disappoint me. Seeing you made me realize how people preserved their cool for decades. You’re from the 90s, your music makes that abundantly clear. Each time I hear you it is revisiting the 90s all over again.

                Your newest album comes out on August 23^rd called “Mirror Traffic”. One track is available for streaming thus far though I expect it will leak sometime in late July/early August. Perhaps you’ll benefit from a ‘90s wave’ I see approaching us with the disinterest of millions of slackers. I mean you even used Beck as your producer, if that doesn’t scream 90s, I don’t know what does. The first track you’ve given us sounds like every other track you’ve ever written for any band you’ve ever been a part of. Consider that as the highest compliment. When so many musicians change their styles over and over again, others make essentially the same (or similar) albums. Each release might be interchangeable with any other. 

What will the critical reaction be? Honestly, I think it might not be that receptive. Since Pavement is now a rather old (but not too old band) their most adamant fans have stopped being music reviewers and moved on to actual real jobs. Not being old enough means they have not yet been considered a major influence for enough up and coming bands to receive warm praise from younger generations. Their most dedicated fans tend to avoid online leaks, so when the album leaks (as all albums do) people will not have enough time to properly hype it. Instead the reviewer will give it some sort of ‘mediocre’ or ‘meh’ review. To escape this fate would require a great deal of work on Stephen’s part and Stephen isn’t known for anything approximating hype or work. 

Pavement changed my life. Stephen’s later career work, while not in the same realm as his original work, still satisfies a certain need. In the probable case he reverts back to his old sound I’ll be perfectly happy. But if he decides to confound expectations and release an album harking back to Pavement’s glory days, I’ll be ecstatic. Either way I’m happy.  

Beastie Boys – Five Years Must Have Passed

               Ah, the Beastie Boys are the perennially lazy boys of the music world. Every Presidential administration they are contractually obligated to come out with a new album. Whether or not it is good is a whole other question. For those youngsters, too young to remember what the Beastie Boys sounded like, let me remind you.

                Long ago, in a fabled time called the 80s, a band came from New York City. They called themselves “The Beastie Boys” and played thrash punk. After realizing how much more people cared about rap, they changed their style. Instead of being some sweaty guys in an abandoned factory playing on a Wednesday night to a flock of the converted, they asked the question “So Watcha Want?” 

                The last time I paid attention to them was when “Hello Nasty” came out. For me, that was the last time they had an impact on my life. I’m not sure what caused the attention. Perhaps it had to do with the radio. Back in the late 90s, the internet was painfully slow for downloading. K-Rock still existed. Put together, it was inevitable I’d be exposed to them at some point. 

                Going back to Paul’s Boutique and Ill Communication, I’m sort of amazed at how amazing these albums are, literally decades after release. “Sabotage” is just as much fun as it was when it came out. The video itself directed by Spike Jonze wrecked roughly $70,000 worth of video equipment. It was worth every penny. Even now as I heard “intergalactic planetary” play in a Planetarium as I was drinking beers, I thought “Man, I miss these guys.”

                I might want to get upset for what happened to the Beastie Boys but I know plenty of bands who did the same thing. Countless bands from the 90s made it big back then and now they can sit back. They got grandfathered in by developing a fan base before people downloads, before people streamed, before people did a lot of things. Beck did the same thing; think back to what interesting projects and concerts he’s having now compared to the 90s when he’d freak out on a regular basis. No, I can’t dislike the Beastie Boys for taking this well-traveled road.

                Their new album is called “Hot Sauce Committee, Pt. 2”. While they say it will be more rap-orientated than their last album “The Mix-Up” which was an all instrumental-affair, that doesn’t reassure me. I completely ignored that instrumental album after I heard their 2004 album “To the 5 Boroughs”. Perhaps “To the 5 Boroughs” confirmed the fact they were getting cheesy. Sure, their heart was in the right place when they wrote “An Open Letter to NYC” but it sounds terrible. I mean, I enjoy living here, but as I heard that song I sort of cringed as it appeared to confirm all the hubris New Yorkers are stereotyped to have. In case that wasn’t bad enough, the rest of the album was completely forgettable, a particularly bad thing as it took about six years to make. Oddly I do remember their review on Allmusic as being one of the first times I began realize the internal politics of review sites. When I first saw the review it was two stars and said they sounded old with dated references. A few weeks later, I noticed it got 4 and a half, the same score as Faust’s first album. I guess whoever first wrote it was being honest; whoever re-wrote it was remembering the tenure the Beastie Boys had collected. 

                Now I hold my breath. From the few tidbits I’ve heard, it will at the very least avoid the badness of the last two albums. Will they return to their greener pastures or will this be another attempt to remind people they exist and are from New York. We’ll see.

Everybody's Got to Learn Sometime

To Carl Paladino

By now Carl is in his fortress of solitude, desperately trolling others. He wonders where it all went wrong. Perhaps he insulted too many people. Perhaps he didn't insult enough.


Either way, he lost. No two ways about it, he kept the cockiness up as long as possible. The bestiality porn taught him how to do that.


This year was supposed to be different. People were "mad as hell". He was "mad as hell". Every way of impersonating a living, breathing political internet troll got co-opted by him. Days were spent where he'd studying the habits of 4chan, trying to learn how to 'out-douche' the media. The media had some bizarre fixation on him, just because he was loud, obnoxious, racist, homophobic, stupid, and enjoyed cheating on his wife. It's like they didn't even care that Cuomo was going to raise their taxes. Those fools, they'd learn in due time.


But by then it would be too late.


Last midterm they gave the Democrats a chance. But this midterm was supposed to be different. A tax rebellion was going on. Had other tax rebellion people lost, it would be okay. There's company in misery. Sadly, that doesn't apply to Paladino. Most of his friends won absolutely crushing victories. They are busy celebrating, planning to dissemble governments, destroy basic governmental service, etc. You know the fun stuff. Alone in his misery, he'll spend the rest of the night watching "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind".


He'll wish that he could simply ease voter's memories of everything he said and did with his life. After everything had been purged, maybe it would fail again. But perhaps it is better to have tried than not to have tried at all. Maybe he'll learn from that movie the importance of relationships. Those relationships aren’t based exclusively off of off-color remarks. Maybe they are based off of things like love, affection, and caring about others.

But everybody’s got to learn sometimes. That creed will be forever trapped in his head. As he’s typing up emails, he’ll think about it. As he talks about putting the poor into “fun work camps” he’ll think about that too. He really wants to make up for all the hurt he caused. Maybe next time he might not be so bad, he might change and attribute his victory to an award-winning independent film. 

We’ll see.