Sun Tzu’s “The Art of Trolling”

                  Sure, you might have heard of Sun Tzu, the famous Chinese writer. Who you might have heard less about is his blogging ancestor. After going through so many generations, the joy of combat has not been lost. Talking with Sun Tzu, you get the feeling that this blogger’s been through a lot.

                He literally wrote the book on trolling on the internet. Before then, he was a simple student, busy studying furiously. Upon gaining high speed internet access, he followed his passion online. At school, he used grace and wit in putting down others. Online etiquette requires a different approach. Now Sun successfully runs a major wealth management fund. His hobbies include biking, swimming, traveling and anonymously insulting others over the internet.

                “Many say that being online, you see the same sorts of put-downs” Sun explained to me in his finely appointed Hong Kong apartment “I was one of the first people to successfully develop the use of all-caps as a form of yelling, years before anyone had caught on. The use of the word ‘faggot’ began with me as well, at least early on. Now it has a negative connotation, so I try to avoid hurtful language.”

                Beach Sloth exclaimed that no, all trolling is meant to be hurtful, so avoiding hurtful language was impossible. Calling me a “Massive Failure” and telling me how hard my favorite bands sucked giant Elephant cock, he started to explain.

                “Listen, there are many trolls out there, busy annoying others. It takes an exceptional troll to really make the experience worthwhile. You need to do research on who you’re about to troll. Also, the approach differs on what you set out to accomplish, will it be a gentle confirmation of who’s an insider of the group while lightly mocking others, or will it be a harsher take on the stupidity of a said topic.”

                “Sites like 4chan and Encyclopedia Dramatica excel at this sort of glorification of those willing to disrupt conversation online. Honestly, I do find a lot of what they do to be in poor taste, there ought to be some limits. But this is similar to real life; people understand that if they shout stupid nonsense, like in those town hall meetings held in America during the health care debate, they will be subjected to the wrath of the greater community. So no matter what, the balance is maintained between the serious and silly. Reading these sorts of exchanges can be pretty funny, as an outsider.”

                Sun continued after getting his daily fix of Memes and pornography for about an hour:

                “If everyone on the internet decided to be nice, how boring would that be? Life without conflict is not one worth living; there will always be adversaries to face, even certain members of Al-Qaeda blog about Islam and other social questions. Al-Qaeda might’ve ended up being a bunch of pimply jerks living in their parents’ basement and the world would’ve been far better off for it. Perhaps if more people decided to troll online, a lot of this in real life aggression would dissipate. We could become better people, ready to get along in public to ease the pain of interacting online.”

                Thanking Sun for his time, I wondered whether or not this was true. Does trolling work as a form of stress-relief in lower forms, and in higher forms, function as a way to bully others online. What exactly is the line between being humorous and being mean online, or does it depend on one’s perspective. Hopefully I’ve given you something to contemplate before you type out that age-old phrase:

“Don’t feed the Trolls”

Is the movie “The Social Network” just copping a feel off of Generation Y?

I’m sure you’ve seen the advertisements proclaiming this cinematic “manna from heaven” bestowed on us ignorant fools. The movie of a generation, one screams. Not to be missed, another one says. Citizen Kane remade for narcissistic types, raves another. 

According to my friends’ status updates, they are all going to see it. Some even “like” it, confirming this is an acceptable thing to post on Facebook, and that Mark Zuckerberg won’t get you for watching it. Instead he’ll just pour all of your personal information into various advertising algorithms, so the ads you see on the will be specifically targeted to your tastes. Man, I hope that you are able to avoid that cruel fate, of being a willing participant in a giant advertising scheme. Who knows, next you may be asked to water someone’s virtual crops. Shutter at the thought, maybe the movie isn’t worth it. 

The movie stars Jesse Eisenberg, who is basically Michael Cera if Michael Cera experienced human emotions. Perhaps I can’t exactly find fault with the cast; they’re just looking for work, but the whole premise of making a movie off of such a showy social website that’s been established for only a few years sounds a bit off. I mean, I don’t exactly see movies on OKCupid or Last.fm. A movie about Myspace would probably just focus on Tom crying in a small room surrounded by white erase boards filled with nonsensical gibberish. But Myspace did offer some easy ways to protect your privacy. Just try navigating Facebook's privacy settings and see if you don't go utterly mad.

Facebook works like most social networking sites do. What’s different about it is how much information it has and how many people use it. Recently it was discovered that people use Facebook even more than Google, which struck me as a wee bit upsetting. I mean, what happens when people are more willing to learn about their social networks than actually search out knowledge, whether or not it is particularly relevant. Sure, you can try to search out new things on Facebook, but they are only self-serving. There’s hardly anything new to be discovered on there, and lately it has been trying to cop even more information from Wikipedia, in the hopes that by merging that information into their format, you’ll never have a reason to leave.

Having a movie come out about this is probably the most blatant attempt of ripping off Generation Y for its nostalgia. I’m a little surprised that only a few years need to pass before things count as nostalgia, so that’s  disappointing. Aren’t we the generation who had an entire show dedicated to ripping off our childhood for cheap laughs (Robot Chicken, see that Transformers reference), or hell even Transformers. Think of it, there are Transformers 1, Transformers 2, all those Harry Potter movies, countless Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchises, Mortal Kombat, Spiderman 1, Spiderman 2, Spiderman 3, and countless others even more forgettable. Now we have a movie about a site we all frequent on a fairly regular hourly basis. Despite our best efforts, you’re in or you’re out.

Not being on Facebook gets you dirty looks. Each time somebody hears “I’m not on Facebook” a few thoughts pop into their head:

1.       Potential Luddite (impossible, Luddites are made up to scare web designers)

2.       Has “sketchy” past (like, horribly evil past)

3.       Wants privacy (completely foreign concept)

4.       Is Amish (depends on size of the beard)

5.       Doesn’t like you enough (most likely scenario)

So this movie just lets you watch your favorite website come to life, in all of its petty cruelty. It started out as a way for people to see who was single and who wasn’t. Mark apparently made enough enemies for someone to write a screenplay and get it successfully produced. Perhaps Mark might spend another hundred million (after that kind gift to Newark) to create another movie, a response to this one, where he singles out people he dislikes and dumps on them for roughly an hour and a half.

It annoys me to no end that this movie feels like a giant data-mining exercise. Yes, I know it was based on the book by Ben Mezrich, but the movie reeks of angst.  It feels like it is reliving the history of something that might have been a social movement, but then unreasonably adds a bunch of drama to keep you interested. Does there need to be that much angst for a website? This isn’t 4chan or something.

To give you some idea of the level of dramatic put-on and emotional unease, the soundtrack was done by Trent Reznor. If that doesn’t give you an idea of the level of angst at play here, perhaps the commercials might. Each one I see gives the feel that these people are off to destroy the world we love and hold dear.

By putting my thoughts into words, I’m certain I will be dragged against my will by my group of well-intentioned friends hoping to get me more “movie-savvy”. I just don’t dig the cruel humor so prevalent in movies; that’s the main reason I didn’t enjoy “Borat”. Maybe I should just learn to accept that nostalgia happens quickly, and that it can quickly be capitalized upon. But nonetheless, The Social Network shall find me somehow, someday whether in a theater or on a lazy, channel-surfing day.