Woebot – Chunks 8.2

              ‘Chunks’ feels apt for this release. While his previous release ‘Moanad’ felt a bit more scattered or fragmented, here he teases out grooves. The songs, though still packed to the brim with weird samples, feel better fleshed out. In case you were wondering, Matt Ingram has his off-sense of humor in full display on this album. 

                Woebot doesn’t sample pointless soloing. Rather, weird pieces of sound are brought together. They come together to form something new. I know this is the point for a lot of sample-based music, but usually they don’t succeed on creating something new. He does.

                “Blues” for me at least, shows off the method used on most of the album. Though the arrangement is still quirky, it is greater than the sum of its parts. Previously his other material had shown off of his good taste than an ability to create an effective song. Here, the taste is still in view, but they are now full songs.

                Some of these songs are even relatively long. “Trans-Love Energies” manages to somehow take bits from elevator music and make it into something silly, funny even. Curd Duca comes to mind specifically. I don’t know how he quite pulls this off, but it probably one of the better tracks on here. 

 

                Other songs show off origins from heavy rock (like “Rusticle”) or random bits (like “Sludgie”). You need to have a sense of humor to really enjoy this album. Also, being a total music snob helps as well, as there is a certain joy in picking out where these snippets might have originated.These songs might require a few listens as they definitely grow on you.

Woebot - Moanad 6.6

               Oh, woe is bot. Though Matthew Ingram has some good ideas here, he doesn’t quite put them together into a satisfying way the same way “The Focus Groups” does. Nonetheless, it doesn’t mean the album (or EP, since it is only 20 minutes) lacks any sort of interesting detail. Matthew’s focus is heavy enough to sort of make up for this shortfall.

                For one, he uses precious few elements. All of the samples are purely British in origin. His guitar is reconfigured around these samples. I personally am a bit of an Anglophile, so the samples win me over a bit. Though I know he works in a fragmented framework, I feel the fragments feel a bit too jagged. Other ‘hauntology’ or whatever you want to call them groups work since they blur the lines. His transitions are too abrupt a lot of the time. “The Hook” sort of is a prime example of this problem.

                What he really succeeds at are the longer, more fully-formed songs. Fragments escape him, but a song with a complete melody and chorus work best for him. Towards the end of this very short collection of songs, I’m shown some of his true capabilities. “Goat’s Wool” sounds transported from some early Smiths’ demo. In other words, it is great.

                This is sort of a hit-and-miss EP. Personally, I am interested. The parts that work intrigue me and I hope he continues this project. Maybe a later release will come along that will convert me a bit more.

How to Calculate Buzz

Your buzz may look a little different

                I cover a lot of bands on here. Some of them get a lot of buzz, some of them don’t. The ones that don’t I feel sad about, like most people just ‘don’t get it’. But as I dive ever deeper into this sea of sound, I’ve noticed a few things. Call them foreshadowing, call them a set-up, but they should be called something.

                Various reviewers start interviews with a said band, you can tell from the interview how enthusiastic the interviewer is about the album. Does ‘looking forward to’ get factored into to the equation. Is there even an equation in the mathematics of buzz?

                After consulting with an unemployed twenty something college-level math professor currently dating a 46 year old Vietnamese physical therapist, he helped me out. Here’s what we have as major components:

1.       Does it show improvement from their last album? If their last album was amazing, then subtract a point before it was released. Most artists don’t have an upward trajectory from amazing to amazing, there’s bound to be disappointments.  Did the last album suck? How hard did it suck? Did it suck so hard that they are in need of a revision for their next album (see Of Montreal for examples of both, via “Hissing Fauna”, “Skeletal Lamping” and “False Priest” for the full life of this)

2.       Have they done anything worthy of attention, either good or bad? Were there public breakdowns, like a ‘WAVVES’ style hissy fit in Spain? If the breakdown occurs overseas, ignore it. If it occurs within the United States, subtract 1 point (see Salem). If you created a viral video add a point (see Dan Deacon with that Cups stuff).

3.       What is the level of blogger anticipation? Did various blogs bitch about how you pushed back the release date? Anger towards various levels of teasing, subtract one point (see potentially Panda Bear). If they are thrilled about that one track you posted up, add a point (see: Twin Shadow). 

4.       Be honest: when did you first receive the leak? The larger this number is (say 3 weeks instead of 1) shows how many people were gunning to get it as soon as possible. Usually you add about 1-2 points on a (1-10) scale for this. 

5.       Any sex: If the artist is in some relationship, figure out what kind of relationship: sweet relationship add one, just recovered from a bad breakup add two, had a child add three, is single add one, got divorced minus one (see Avey Tare), is addicted to sex and seeking treatment minus one, leaked nudes add four (see Kanye West).

6.       Is the genre really hot right now: Getting on the right boat is important! No one cares about Post-Rock as much anymore, I’m sorry, it hurts me to say this, but it is true. If you’re in a hip genre add 2, unhip genre minus 1, if you’re in a genre that is about to experience a backlash in popularity minus 3. Math hurts.

7.       Where are you from: This matter a lot more than anyone’s going to tell you! But I’ll tell you. Coming from a place uniformly disliked around the country (like Las Vegas, Florida, Long Island) take away a point. Do you come from some totally random, never heard of place where no one could have an opinion, like Judith Gap, Montana or South Carolina? If so, add two points. You managed to overcome that uncool location. Cities are tricky, but generally speaking if you’re on a coastal city, add a point. From a city in the Midwest? I’m sorry, but the people who write many music reviews are from the coasts. Please remove one point from your score.

8.       How old are you: Being cool lasts only so long. If you are in your teens, add a point. If you are in your twenties, add two points. Here’s where things get interesting. Are you in your 30s? I’m sorry, but you lose a point. Getting into the middle of your life? In your 40s, minus 2 points. In your 50s, minus 3 points. But if you’re in your 60s, you usually enjoy some late career revival, whether or not it is deserved. For even making your music that late in life, add four points. Add 5 points if you’re in your 70s, but by then your music is probably really shitty and you’ll get a ‘5 point something’ for at least showing up. Think of it as winning a ‘best attendance’ award, like Max Fisher in Rushmore. 

9.       Are you related to something, someone: Related to someone lame (like Alan Thicke) remove a point. Being related to someone cool (like you roomed with Richard D. James) adds a point. Having been in another medium (either as a film maker, etc.) adds a point. Doing this ‘not for the money’ and in your spare time because you love the music, subtract a point. 

10.   Define your music: If you make experimental music, subtract two points. If you make accessible experimental music (like soothing guitar drones) add two points. You use quirky instruments: add three points.

11.   Who interviews you: A random blogger means no change. Nobody cares about random bloggers. If the New York Times interviews you, minus two points. If Pitchfork interviews you, add three points (see Toro Y Moi). If TinyMixTapes interviews you, add one point (see Sun Araw). If no one bothers interviewing you before your album comes out, minus one point.

Obviously these will help you decide how you want to brand yourself, your band and your sound before you make subjective music stuff. Keep these in mind as you hone your craft. Maybe you’ll need to move or lie about your age. Do you know anyone who could start cool rumors about you before you release a thing? Keep all things in mind as you work on your sound. I hope I’ve helped guide your band towards fame and relevancy. 

                Part two (out tomorrow) explores the actual numerical scores as offered by Pitchfork, a site for which is one half hate, one half love.

Daddy Bloggers

                   The New York Times has been on something of a ‘blog kick’. Lately they’ve had a bunch of articles focused on blogging, both positive and negative. Part of this may be to boost advertising revenue, so you’ll get a subscription to “The Economist” or buy an apartment in an extremely expensive part of Brooklyn or Manhattan. You know the kind of place so expensive I can’t even afford to get drunk there. A true crime if there ever was one. I’ve already focused on their negative ‘it’s dying’ article, now let’s go positive.

                Mommy Bloggers apparently make huge sums of money. Heather Armstrong leads the pack, making somewhere in the six figures per month. I’ve only seen a six figure sum in my life followed by the words ‘in debt’. Having thought about this for many hours, I’ve decided entering the field of Daddy blogs would be best. Now I’m not particularly motivated, due to being a sloth, but I have a foolproof plan on how to make a ton of money. See the below for a simple breakdown:

1.       Get married

2.       Have Children

3.       Write about said children in blog format

4.       PROFIT

As you can see, this verges on pure genius. Most Daddy blogs probably have uncool stuff, such as their efforts in building the kids a tree house or some such nonsense. Or they talk about their hobbies they’ve forced on their kids. Eventually their kids become some football captain or similar kind of ordinary stuff. My approach will differ dramatically from this. Finally I’ll help make Dads as cool as they ought to be.

I’m talking of course about cool dads. Sure, this phrase has been around for a while. Those are the dads who remained cool as they grew older. Most dads tend to start watching History Channel and find how taffy is made to be absolutely mind-blowing. Not I, said the cool dad guy. Instead, you’ll read about the mixes I created for my children so when they got to kindergarten they already knew about bands like Faust, Captain Beefheart, Nick Drake, Slint, Tortoise, and other obviously hip bands. As other children wonder why they sing “Wheels on the Bus” over and over again, my kids will be immune to such garbage.

Of course, I can’t do it alone. What I’ll be looking for is a special someone, preferably around my level of artiness or higher. Anyone in the blogging profession (excluding political bloggers gross), theater, film, music, painting or similar professions is a sure thing. Someone with experience in website site would be ideal. I’m looking to have my kids be so damn cool you’re nearly jealous of them. That’s my goal.

         Since it is a Daddy blog, there will need to be some drama. My kids might start getting into argument about Jackson Pollock versus Rothko, Zappa versus Beefheart, and so on. For life contains so much drama, I just want mine to have a snobbish, almost unbelievably out of touch view on culture, music and so on.

        Blogs don’t always end the way you want them. I’m assuming the same goes for kids, I don’t know, I haven’t had any kids yet. While I can try my best to protect them from interests in popular music and culture, I know the old saying “If you blog about something, you must set it free” or something like that. Knowing my kids might rebel against my interests, I’ll be gentle. There won’t be any of that “Dragon Lady” stuff where I deprive my kids of things they enjoy. Honestly, I’m not sure if my kids will be interested in everything I present to them, but I want them to realize all that’s out there, which include esoteric bands and film directors.

        Will I be a good father, a good daddy blogger? I don’t know. I hope I can. Can you be both a good father and good daddy blogger, or does something have to give? My hope is I can have both, since I’m not sure what my skill set is exactly. Being there for my kids, writing endlessly about them, I’d be that guy who goes on about their kids at parties, except I’d be earning sweet money cake for it.

        Let me know. Do you think I can find a special someone, settle down and blog about our offspring? Or will I continue to make far too many obscure musical references even as I write about the joys of being a father?

Now on Facebook: Beach Sloth

             I made it: a Facebook profile. Some might want to trumpet this from the rooftops, but I’m currently unaware of who those people might be. Hopefully this will give you a better way of connecting with me, with Beach Sloth.

                Yes, I am aware the profile has been around for about a month or so. What can I say? I’m a sloth, I’m lazy, and I’m bad at self-promotion.  This a passion of mine, and I hope it inspires others to search out new music, music they might not be exposed to everyday. 

 What I’d like to happen is for further input. Originally when I created this blog, I wanted a great deal of comments, etc. But I wanted to avoid the “oh look at me, aren’t I hip?” problem so many other bloggers face. That reeks of desperation and quite frankly isn’t my modus operandi. 

                Setting up the blog for anonymous commentators has its own worries: I want to avoid spam with this blog. Things should look a particular way: clean. There’s no need for endless clutter. Clean formats are the best, that’s why I initially was wary of the Tumblr format, but it has since grown on me.

                Why now? Why should I bother doing this now? Well, I’ve started getting more and more emails from people, increasing in positivity and personal tweaks. Originally I got a lot of emails about random stuff, it is cool that you’re a banker in the Democratic Republic of Congo, but I doubt I can help you with your problem of having too much money. Guess that former Nigerian prince is going to make do with the money he currently has. 

                Things have improved. Now I do receive actual emails, actual Gchats from people, people who are the crème de la crème of the blogging world.  Maybe I’m a bit shy, but I’ll try to be a bit more responsive. A few have even written some extremely kind emails, and I’m positively thankful for that. Little bits of support show me that ultimately doing this is a worthwhile endeavor, rather than it just being some ‘living inside my head’ kind of stuff.

                If you’d like then, become a fan, become a friend. I’d like this to work both ways, with people telling me things as well. My approach to this fan page is painfully new; I hope I can take this journey down Zuckerberg lane with all of you. Sadly, first has already been taken, but there are countless other numbers waiting right for the grasping. To be treated to a number, simply go here

Sun Tzu’s “The Art of Trolling”

                  Sure, you might have heard of Sun Tzu, the famous Chinese writer. Who you might have heard less about is his blogging ancestor. After going through so many generations, the joy of combat has not been lost. Talking with Sun Tzu, you get the feeling that this blogger’s been through a lot.

                He literally wrote the book on trolling on the internet. Before then, he was a simple student, busy studying furiously. Upon gaining high speed internet access, he followed his passion online. At school, he used grace and wit in putting down others. Online etiquette requires a different approach. Now Sun successfully runs a major wealth management fund. His hobbies include biking, swimming, traveling and anonymously insulting others over the internet.

                “Many say that being online, you see the same sorts of put-downs” Sun explained to me in his finely appointed Hong Kong apartment “I was one of the first people to successfully develop the use of all-caps as a form of yelling, years before anyone had caught on. The use of the word ‘faggot’ began with me as well, at least early on. Now it has a negative connotation, so I try to avoid hurtful language.”

                Beach Sloth exclaimed that no, all trolling is meant to be hurtful, so avoiding hurtful language was impossible. Calling me a “Massive Failure” and telling me how hard my favorite bands sucked giant Elephant cock, he started to explain.

                “Listen, there are many trolls out there, busy annoying others. It takes an exceptional troll to really make the experience worthwhile. You need to do research on who you’re about to troll. Also, the approach differs on what you set out to accomplish, will it be a gentle confirmation of who’s an insider of the group while lightly mocking others, or will it be a harsher take on the stupidity of a said topic.”

                “Sites like 4chan and Encyclopedia Dramatica excel at this sort of glorification of those willing to disrupt conversation online. Honestly, I do find a lot of what they do to be in poor taste, there ought to be some limits. But this is similar to real life; people understand that if they shout stupid nonsense, like in those town hall meetings held in America during the health care debate, they will be subjected to the wrath of the greater community. So no matter what, the balance is maintained between the serious and silly. Reading these sorts of exchanges can be pretty funny, as an outsider.”

                Sun continued after getting his daily fix of Memes and pornography for about an hour:

                “If everyone on the internet decided to be nice, how boring would that be? Life without conflict is not one worth living; there will always be adversaries to face, even certain members of Al-Qaeda blog about Islam and other social questions. Al-Qaeda might’ve ended up being a bunch of pimply jerks living in their parents’ basement and the world would’ve been far better off for it. Perhaps if more people decided to troll online, a lot of this in real life aggression would dissipate. We could become better people, ready to get along in public to ease the pain of interacting online.”

                Thanking Sun for his time, I wondered whether or not this was true. Does trolling work as a form of stress-relief in lower forms, and in higher forms, function as a way to bully others online. What exactly is the line between being humorous and being mean online, or does it depend on one’s perspective. Hopefully I’ve given you something to contemplate before you type out that age-old phrase:

“Don’t feed the Trolls”

Should a “Blog Tour” be an actual thing?

I’ve been kind of pondering this idea for the entire week. As I work. As I went and saw “The Death of a Supermarket” which included phrases that would’ve made Orwell proud. My favorite had to be “The more you spend, the more you save.” That one sort of stuck itself in my mind, how little sense it made.

Bloggers need to make up those sorts of phrases, like a cute little tag they can use for themselves. How characters in your favorite TV shows have a certain line that make them not only lovable, but relatable. Bender uses “Bite my shiny metal ass”, Oprah uses “Everyone wins a free , etc.  I use “Rock On” because I want you to and because it is somewhat playful. 

Most people who write these things want to write, but don’t know how to go about it and blogging seems the easiest way of reaching a hyper specific audience. I feel like bloggers ought to tour this great land, the great US of A. Authors do it, so why not internet writers. Internet trolls could be some of their plants in the audience, deliberately placed to increase excitement amongst the otherwise tame audience. Besides, the more bloggers I meet, the more I realize that the dedicated ones should make some cash on the prospect. 

Plus, it might bring some much needed money to bookstores; maybe allow them to attract more buyers of coffee and stale pastry. Too often I see so many people writing these things and give up. Slowly the posts decrease and eventually go down to a trickle. I’m of course talking about myself; I’ve had some blogs for years. I remember putting literally several reviews of every album I heard in a day up on the internet. Since then, I’ve grown wiser. Music requires a great deal of time to fully appreciate it, what doesn’t click the first time may click the second or third. Or you could just be in the wrong mood for it.

How about a Podcast, you might ask. Podcasts are used by those with a microphone and I have my issues with them. When I hosted a radio show long ago I deliberately honed a “radio voice”. Later when I listened to my show I watched in the spectrometer how different it felt from my real voice. No matter how much I tried to speak in a normal voice, I kept on doing it. So a real, face to face meeting with people works much better with many. Without the filter of how they sound, they’d be more real.

I feel the other benefit would be the tone in which these words are said. Tone is a causality of the internet; it takes a particularly good writer to get the point across. Even great writers considered “masters” at their art gave live readings, like David Foster Wallace for example. What may have missed a reader becomes more apparent once you hear the writer’s intension. Kafka’s work suffered from a similar problem. When one of his friends was asked about the tone of his readings (yes, I know, life expectancy is a wonderful thing) he stated that the humor of the stories was more heavily emphasized than the hopelessness most associated with his work.

Did I mention bloggers work for dirt cheap? Because I’m assuming most would probably give readings for like a cheese Danish and stale coffee. In fact, they might feel they are “getting a bargain” for just being accepted in public forum. 

Part of me would be curious if this would or could even be a thing. Bloggers could help out each other, for each place they stop; they crash on another blogger’s couch/floor/collection of blankets. That way, they achieve an intellectual variation on “couch surfing”. 

Please let this be a thing.