Leyland Kirby – Intrigue & Stuff (Vol. 1) 8.2

                Leyland Kirby re-invents himself once again. The title “Intrigue & Stuff (Vol. 1) reminds you you’re still dealing with the same prankster who has run V/VM records for over a decade. While Leyland last released under his name with the enormous “Sadly, the Future is No Longer what it was” 3 disc set. Most of that 3-disc set was infinitely bleak unlike this nearly optimistic collection of songs. 

                “Video 2000” starts up the long EP. I’m amazed by this track. When I listen to it I hear a strange, hallucinatory rave-up. He puts a basic beat and lets the track go where it wants. Despite all the movements and changes in the sound it remains extremely positive for me. Parts of it remind me of Tones on Tail’s song “Rain” as it tries to come into focus unlike “Rain” though it never comes into focus. Shifts occur with alarming near disorientating regularly. Let this one carry you on it is easily the best of the six tracks. Play this one a lot.

                My other favorites are “Live for the Future, Long for the Past” and “Ruined Visions”. The former sounds massive, you can’t quite get the volume to be loud enough. For that track is the sound of something unimaginably massive. “Ruined Visions” takes a different tact. It ends on a tragic note, bringing to mind the best of Leyland’s previous work. 

                Since this is only the first of a 4-part EP series (I guess Leyland even does EPs on a grand scale) I’m pretty excited. This is perhaps my favorite EP I’ve heard in a long while.

Russia’s Worst Spy: Larry the Cable Guy

Russia proves to be that reliable, “Aw shucks you’re still spying on me” kind of enemy. As much as you want to be angry at them for doing it, they do it in such an adorable way. Take Anna Chapman for example. Yeah, she didn’t really get any actual secrets, but she was a hot Russian redhead with leaked nudes. Last time I remember getting naked spy pictures was with the infamous Hipster Grifter (she worked for North Korea). As icing on the cake, Anna’s fellow spies were described in detail as being “sort of lazy”. What a great enemy to have.

None of these spies possessed the incompetence shown by one tireless trooper, whose nudes I hope never leak. Single-handedly, he has done less to harm the United States than overpriced free trade coffee and tariffs on antique Soviet cameras. Yes, I’m speaking of Vlad Badenoff, a skilled cryptographer from the former Soviet Republic of Belarus or, as you might know him, Larry the Cable Guy.

Vlad was born in Belarus to a lower level political functionary. Almost immediately his teacher noticed his penchant for torturing flies by ripping their wings off and for sending mysterious codes to his other classmates. Being placed into an accelerated track, he shocked others with his easy grasp of cryptography. However, ominously, people complained of his tendency to tell off color and inappropriate jokes.

Working in the Soviet Union in the 80s, he tried to help the war effort in Afghanistan. Noticing a large defection rate from his unit, Soviet officials investigated. They learned people in his unit grew offended when he asked them “Have you ever farted so hard that you cracked your back?” In the USSR, telling fart jokes was a crime punishable by death. Fearing losing one of the greatest minds in the field, they transferred him over to East Berlin, where he helped torture political prisoners with his comedy routine. 

After the fall of the Berlin Wall, Soviet officials racked their brains thinking of what potential use the irritating cryptographer could provide. On one hand, they sort of wanted to eliminate him. But they knew their time was tenuous, and that any move towards harming him might result in a destabilization of their power. Instead they sent him out to the US to ineffectively spy on the US.

While in the US, he shared such damning information like “There’s a bunch of rednecks here” and “Nebraska is boring”. Being set up in a secret Russian village in rural Nebraska, he began to gain a cult following with his awful attempts at humor. The nonsense spewing from his mouth got considered ‘funny’ by those living in the Deep South. After visiting that area, he found a place he could fit in.

Upon watching the Russian economy tank in 98-99, the Russians set him on a course to ruin American cinema. Doing this they felt it could make Russian-produced movies appear better in comparison. Despite Vlad’s lack of skill and general awfulness, he couldn’t make Russian comedies about Heroin-Addicted pregnant teenage prostitutes appealing beyond the general Sundance Film Festival set.

His uncovering by intelligence agencies occurred during his Roast on Comedy Central. Upon hearing his actual voice, the FBI wanted to storm the stage. Worrying about Gary Busey’s mental stability and possible possession of nuclear weapons, they held off. They tried after the show, but found Larry’s connections to the Blue Collar Comedy Tour were far too strong. Russia remained adamant that they wanted him under no circumstances whatsoever, or else they’d release nude photos of Larry.

Fearful at the havoc this would cause on the internet, creating a Meme even greater than Insane Clown Posse’s “Fuckin’ Magnets, How Do They Work” the US government held off until they found a suitable option. Republican congressman supported Larry remaining in the country, (rightly) claiming that he was useless as a spy. Upon negotiating the many compromises of extending the Bush tax cuts, one of the conditions was that Larry remains in the US to continue what is popularly referred to as a ‘career’. 

Normally I’d be worried at the prospect of revealing such secrets, but since Larry is illiterate in English, I’m not concerned. Hopefully this will exemplify how concerned we should be about the former Red menace.

NHK – Unununium 7.0

             Raster Noton went into a bizarre hybrid in this release. Sadly, it is only an EP. For those of you curious, Kouhei Matsunaga does have a full length out under his name called “Self VA”. What you’re treated to here is industrial noise levels meets hip hop. 

                Oh, it is pretty sweet and loud. Yet it doesn’t actually sound like a lot of stuff on Raster. Most Raster stuff doesn’t hit so hard, or deal as much with distortion and loudness. It references more popular forms of music a bit less obtuse (read: obvious) than his counterparts. Despite this, it isn’t exactly accessible music. If you have a fondness for industrial this may suit you.

                Melodies, there are none. I couldn’t find them anyway; they are usually hidden as tiny little fragments. The focus is on rhythm. At all times that focus is razor sharp, it feels like you’re just swimming through beats or the remnants of beats. Head-nodding never felt so weird.

Ducktails – Killin’ the Vibe 12 Inch

             As a member of Matt Mondanile’s generation (80s born and raised), I can’t help but to relate to what he does. Hypnagogic pop speaks to me, and Matt’s approach happens to be one of the more accessible ones in the field. Ducktails is a fun project, and his own evolution from living in his parents’ basement (he moved out this December to Greenpoint, Brooklyn) is an experience countless millions can relate to. 

                He’s now trying to earn money to release a 12 Inch version of his song “Killin’ the Vibe” to the suspecting masses. Besides just asking people for money on “Kickstarter” the largest funding platform for creative projects in the world, he offers goodies. People can opt to get a 30 minute cassette of unreleased songs (known as B-sides or sketches), the vinyl itself with a handwritten note and new songs, or with a Zine (so retro) of his photographs, and finally guaranteed shows of him playing in the Northeast. Apparently his fan base is rabid enough to take up all of this, even the last one with the $500 contribution. In fact, the only one not taken is having him perform in your living room for $1000, which is something I hope gets amended. 

                Now he’s even exceeded his goal of fundraising: he has exceeded his goal of $3500 by about $1940. I guess his chops are complete; he tends to avoid the prolific releases of his friends James Ferraro and Spencer Clark (of The Skaters fame). That’s a good thing; it has allowed me to keep track of his various projects, including his most famous one “Real Estate”. Seeing how he literally lived with those two Skaters in Berlin during a study abroad trip gives me hope for when I’ll be doing that. I always thought study abroad sessions were supposed to be stuffy; his experience proves my theory dead-wrong.

                I’m hoping he succeeds in getting this 12 out. He exists as sort of an in-between point between various different genres: rock, hypnagogic pop, cassette culture, lo-fi recordings, etc. Considering he’s only in his twenties, he’s been lucky enough to tour with some wonderful people (like Emeralds and Deerhunter) has an excellent grasp of aesthetics (Lauren Pakradooni will do the 12 artwork). Plus, and this is huge, he’s managed to show New Jersey as a place where interesting things are going on, where actual art is created. Instead of feeling like they need a crutch of New York City, they show exactly why New York needs more people like him to move here. 

                With that, I’d like to say if you feel like contributing to this guy, or want him to perform in your living room; you might want to go here: