How Glenn Beck’s show REALLY ended

               When the Doors sang about “the ghosts crowd the child’s fragile eggshell mind” in the song “Peace Frog” they might have been singing about Glenn Beck. Some people just happen to have a lot of ghosts whispering crazy things into their ears. For a while now people have been heaping scorn on him just for being himself on TV. People have to be true to themselves both on and off of TV. That’s why he carries a chalkboard and a 5^th grade history textbook wherever he goes. 

                After the latest announcement, it seems he will be true to himself off of TV. Fox News is letting him go. No doubt this will make him even more unstable; something which is going to take a great deal of work on his part. I mean, the guy really is the poster child of crazy by this point. How could he go crazier? Is it even possible?

                Here at Beach Sloth, we’ve tried to help Glenn Beck. We made a MIX CD for him, to help calm his nerves after anything happens to him. I’m sure all those drugs he took for a decade and a half didn’t help his mind. Though many would say he brought this on himself due to his barely coherent ravings and crying, I’m not so sure there isn’t a conspiracy afoot, one bigger than all of us where George Soros is involved in some way. 

                On Glenn’s show, he often discusses conspiracies. While many call these insane, how do you explain Glenn’s dismissal right as he was explaining the new world order? It seems pretty suspicious he’d be let go after he talked about the Marxist-Islamist cabal operating out of Babylon for the coming of the caliphate. Yes, he knew it all. Progressives were out to destroy America. Economics no longer made sense, as agribusiness was in bed with Dutch Royalty to ensure grain prices would be fixed. Finally, global warming was a joke created by a former KGB agent who went by the name of ‘Sparky’ who just happens to work installing energy-efficient light-bulbs in the Boston suburbs. How convenient. I’d like to explore this further, but the conspiracy is so vast and all-knowing that it isn’t safe. For they kicked Glenn off of his show, who knows what they could do to my blog, perhaps troll it? Perish the thought. 

                Glenn went too far. By revealing this intricate and improbable web of deception, he had taken the red pill. Going down that rabbit hole has its problems as he discovered. Like Neo he was taken to be a fool. But what kind of fool was given a prime slot on Fox News and advertised gold? Well, I’d say a genius kind of fool if you ask me.

                Now the progressives who are destroying America are broadcasting this from the liberal media, which in Glenn’s opinion is everyone. Even Glenn gets a little progressive now and then, quoting Kermit, a well-known member of Germany’s Green party. Kermit describes his involvement in Germany’s Green Party by stating how “It’s not easy being Green. Destroy Capitalism.” But I digress. 

                MSNBC announced the news of Glenn’s departure as they hid their erections behind the news desk, much like a teenager hides theirs behind a Math Textbook. CNN asked viewers to tweet their responses and proceeded to read the tweets as they were happening live for an hour, in order to give the illusion news was happening. On Charlie Rose, Glenn got interviewed in soothing tones surrounded by pitch black. In this environment, Glenn feels the most comfortable when there aren’t any distractions, otherwise his ADD starts acting up. 

                By letting him go, they’re letting the genie out of the bottle. Now he has no restraints in what he says. Can he out-crazy Charlie Sheen? Should he? What I think he should do is end his show on a positive note. Ending his show with a certain degree of levity will help people cope with his loss. Might I suggest Glenn singing with Mike Huckabee’s band the hit Billy Joel song “You may be right”

                You may be right

                I might be crazy

                But it just may be a lunatic you’re looking for.

                Glennspeed You! Beck Emperor.

Antonio Carlos Jobim – Wave 8.6

Bossa Nova ranks among one of my least understood loves. At least with most of the music around, there’s at least an audience who relates to why I like this or that, for ironic or un-ironic purposes. With Bossa Nova though, I actually enjoy some of the artists. Yes, I know how much of it comes across as very cheesy, but that makes my job harder. When I tell people that I genuinely enjoy some Bossa Nova they assume I’m talking from such a far level of irony that they can’t possibly imagine what’s going through my mind.

Originally I listened to this in a purely ironic way. But somehow, the mellow music infiltrated my soul. After a while, I stopped playing it only when I wanted to play Halo with people and have something funny in the background as I shot gunned people in the face. Instead, I realize how good of an album this actually is.

That hip Brazilian coolness is on fully display here. Beginning with the one of the most understated openings ever “Wave” it segues perfectly into “The Red Blouse”. For a while, The Red Blouse was my happy song. I’d play it and its quiet cheerfulness entered my head. Surprisingly energetic for Bossa Nova, with some of Antonio’s excellent guitar playing on full display. Due to its length, it gives off a hypnotic quality with the slight variations.

Violins play throughout the whole affair, often as something coming from afar. Yes, I can see how this could turn off some people, since it could be seen as mere waiting room music, but it is waiting room music with a soul. If I had this playing on a lite FM radio station as my teeth were cleaned, I could think of worse things.  The worst things being Billy Joel, Dave Matthews Band, and anything else played at lame parties.

In fact, there’s only one vocal track on here, and it is Brazilian singing. For whatever reason, I enjoy it. Hopefully at some point Bossa Nova gets some sort of resurgence in popularity. Then I can play my favorite song on here “Antigua” and have people recognize it, instead of looking at me like I’m half-crazy.

Actually, if I had to suggest a starting point for someone getting introduced to Bossa Nova, it would be a toss-up between this album and Stan Getz’s better known “Getz/Gilberto”.

Das Racist – Shut Up, Dude 8.2

People may remember these guys from their song “Combination Pizza Hut/Taco Bell” which was a blast. But that little song didn’t really accurately display all of their talents. Yeah, that song is here, so you really have nothing to worry about.  Honestly though, there are many better songs than that on here.

What I like most is the almost kaleidoscopic feel to the whole album. Ideas are tossed around constantly, always keeping things in a constant state of flux. Plus, there’s a few tracks on here that remind me of the time my friend took a Valium, had several Espresso shots, and went on to play soccer with a few other people in Washington Square Park. At least that’s the feeling I got from the hyper-activity of “Chicken and Meat”. 

“Rainbow in the Dark” basically describes almost all of my experiences with White Castle. I particularly enjoyed it being called “the hellhole store”. “Nutmeg” is a marathon of ideas that barely catches its breath.

Humor takes prevalence over most of this, like the sarcastic treatment of Billy Joel, the Space Race, Tao Lin, Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, the Vietnam War, Sarah Palin, etc. The humor doesn’t feel forced at all, it goes well with everything else they’re doing here. If you're able to figure out how any of those things fit together, you're the audience for this. 

Basically, I can see how people would have almost a knee jerk reaction to hate this. Depending on your perspective, you could find this as a bunch of over-educated snots trying to show off how cool they are in a style befitting the highest echelons of hipster. You’d be completely missing the point if you did that, and you’d probably be somewhat jealous of them to maintain that position. I'd say this is a smart, hyper article album with little downside or pretension. Put simply, this is a fun, fun record, and I had a blast listening to it again and again.