America’s come a long way since the 1950s. Since then, we’ve become a more open society. People are more accepting of an individual’s quirks. In fact, entire movies (Rushmore) and shows (Freaks & Geeks) celebrate individuals who are unable to be easily pigeonholed. But we still have a way to go before everyone becomes truly equal.
Of course, I’m talking about Donald Trump’s potential run for Republican nominee in 2012. He’s pretty much become a MEME everyone knows, whether or not you’re addicted to the internet. “Celebrity Apprentice” shows off his flair and brash, uncompromising attitude towards those Hollywood elites, the “Left Coast”, most people in general and so on. Transcending media, he’s inspired countless douchebags to enter the field of real estate, hence the housing crisis we’re currently facing.
What will it take for Donald Trump to get the nomination? Will he have to buy everyone in Iowa and New Hampshire a mid-sized luxury sedan? Perhaps that might not be enough. His name has been used as a punch-line in New York and all over the country for literally decades. New York might be the only part of the country which can tolerate his extravagant ridiculousness, the gold-plated toilet being one example.
Despite his obvious brashness and appallingly dreadful haircut, he does have some things going for him. For one, he’s declared bankruptcy a lot. If he becomes President, he’d probably be able to help the United States default on all its loans. Then somehow, we’d post a record profit. Honestly I doubt we’re going to be able to pay back that money. Instead we can have a ‘strategic default’ where we don’t have to go through any pain. Countries might decide not to deal with us, but that might also have to do with Donald Trump being our President.
The world would have much warmer relations with the US as a result of a Trump presidency. France and the US would become closer due to Trump’s promiscuous habits. Most of Europe would enjoy his complete lack of any sort of religious experience and a lack of even pretending to care about religion. Eastern Europe would adore him, since nearly all his wives have been of Eastern European extraction. Finally, we’d have a first lady who had previously been a model. Our ascension into new levels of cool would be complete.
Donald Trump’s policy promises wouldn’t really be anything, since he’s fairly amorphous. Sadly, this might doom him in any kind of primary. At CPAC this year half the audience loved The Donald and the other half booed him. Sure, he pretends to have normal Republican views, such as Pro-Life, Anti-Gun Control, but even among these are stranger ones. Going with a libertarian bent, he claims the US should get out of Iraq and Afghanistan along with an Anti-Foreign aid position for good measure.
Being a MEME, he’ll be fun. That is a guarantee. Showing up for a roast on Comedy Central shows he’s in touch with the jokes people could throw at him. By now, he has literally heard whatever insult people could hurl at him. Donald has thick skin, so you can get pretty creative in mocking him nearly endlessly. Plus, all the jokes at his expense mean he oddly has name recognition.
President Trump would be a lot of fun. First, all states would get the word “Trump” added in to increase real estate values, like “Trump Hampshire” or “Trumpchusetts”. Despite no actual improvement done other than the name addition, the single act of adding the name will improve re-sale values. Look at the various buildings he’s slapped his name onto, somehow people are willing to pay more for a building named after him. And those same people even know who he is and his appearance. Logically, it shouldn’t make sense but it works.
Though Trump would reject European-style health care, he’d embrace European-style partying. Suddenly, our days of being a place where people have weak parties will end. Working with both Democrats and Republicans, he’ll manage to amend the constitution mandating all parties last at least two nights at a bare minimum. His first act in office will be the inaugural ball, which will last roughly two weeks of non-stop partying. It’ll be similar to Andrew Jackson’s party, except the White House will be more destroyed. While Obama did open up the entire National Mall for the party, Trump will use all of Maryland, Virginia and North Carolina as part of his sprawling, decadent party. After Trump’s inaugural party is over, it’ll add roughly $2 billion but everyone will agree it was totally worth it.
I don’t think Trump will win the nomination if he does run. Sadly, most people in America enjoy electing dishonest people who promise great things. Looking at Donald’s face and listening to his words, I see no evidence whatsoever of lying. Here’s a person who has no filter. Whatever he is thinking he will say. Debates would create new ways of putting people down. Putting people down is an art form for the Donald, he’s the Pollock of hurling insults onto blank faces.
Let’s hope he gets the nomination. After watching so many boring nominations, I want something entertaining. Ron Paul was a good start, but Mr. Trump might the logical endpoint for our hyperbolic political culture. MEME for President!
