Previously Beach Sloth covered the flowering relationship between alt writers Megan Boyle and Tao Lin. Watching them grow on each other, become each other’s romantic interest, and made countless readers swoon. I hoped that they could come together to create future writers (via sexual reproduction).
Well, I have great news for you. Those who thought this would be just a gimmick; you’ve either been proven very right or very wrong. On Saturday, January 8th, in the year 2011 of our Lord, Tao Lin and Megan combined forces in holy matrimony. Now they are recognized by law as being lawfully wed in the Las Vegas area. Love knows no geographic location, it is universal.
Some may point out both Tao and Megan received money from their parents for this marriage. According to their internal messages, they netted thousands of dollars from each one of their families, which will be wisely invested or, more likely, ‘invested’ on drugs. But they didn’t do it for the money. I can only imagine how the courtship worked between the two of them. Tao must have come up to her and said, as sexily as he could:
“Hey baby, how’d you like to get filmed doing drugs with me?”
Who could resist a charm offensive like that? In case that question proves too difficult for you, let me answer it: no one. Tao is a catch; he has literally tens of dollars in the bank. Keep in mind since he shoplifts so much his expenses excluding rent is extremely small. Now that he has a wife, she can help him steal food and headphones from local stores. Perhaps he and she could walk out of a Duane Reade with enough food to last a week.
Not everyone is thrilled about the news. Certain online tastemakers expressed disapproval at the relationship. Carles of the famous blog “Hipster Runoff” made an offer to Megan Boyle. Leaked in a Gchat photo by none other Brandon Scott Gorrell, some guy I never heard of. Anyway, below is Carles’ response upon hearing the news:
“Megan, I can offer you a contract that offers stability, hits, and the love your father never gave you if you quit MDMA films and your relationship with Tao right now.”
Of course, Megan is a stylish classy lady. She simply laughed it off. Tao wore an ‘annoyed’ expression as he explained that Carles wasn’t the only one with a strong online brand, explaining how he was about to come into $1,400, virtually the yearly income of your average Cape Verde citizen. What was left unsaid was that Tao’s worth can’t be put into mere dollars and cents. Unlike Carles, he’s exposed himself for the world to see. He’s considered sending nude pictures of himself to fans in New Zealand.
Carles immediately left the Gchat upon being rejected. Maybe Carles decided to call his own hotline to ask for his own advice which he’ll play on the next podcast. Or possibly Carles could’ve been just kidding and wanted to be silly. We’ll never know as Carles lives only on the internet and not in ‘real life’ (via never being seen in real life).
On Sunday, Carles posted his own take on the marriage, labeling it a ‘gimmick’. Maybe that hurt a little bit. I feel that all relationships require a certain degree of compromise between the two people. Each one negotiates with the other, finding that sweet in-between spot. Most people of the ‘authentic’ or ‘alternative’ persuasion believe perfect love awaits them. No compromise would be needed. Hence all these cool brothers and sisters are lonely. Tao and Megan’s marriage sort of confirms the belief perfect partners exist. Carles’ take seems to be that it is a gimmick, but love is real, no gimmick needed. Probably he’s worried about his alt cred, wondering if he’ll find his significant other, settle down, marry and have kids enrolled in a private art school (like Cooper Union). We’ll just need to wait and see. But the online support is greatly in favor of Tao and Megan’s holiest of matrimonies.
It seems the amount of online support for the Tao/Boyle relationship is reaching a fever pitch. Personally, I still think that IMBOYCRAZY’s interview had something to do with this turn of events. Alexi Wasser’s questions must have reached the inner most depths of Tao’s drug-addled mind. He knew not every girl would do cocaine off the head of his penis. He needed to strike while the love was hot and while he was in Las Vegas working on Bebe Zeva’s documentary.
They appeared extremely happy at their marriage. So far kids are not expected in the foreseeable future though Tao feels open to them. Each set of parents has nothing but happiness for each of the two young writers.
Here at Beach Sloth, I’m wishing them the best. Even on the heaviest of drugs, their love shines through like a light house piercing through the dark night. By being a couple, I can more easily stalk them online like countless others (stalkers = twitter followers). Be fruitful and multiply you crazy kids!
May I suggest singing the following to each other in monotone?
“Forever, and ever, you'll stay in my heart
And I will love you
Forever, and ever we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, forever, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only mean heartbreak for me.”