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Showing posts with label Thought Catalog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thought Catalog. Show all posts

Beach Ustream


                Jacob Steinberg and Spencer Madsen came together one Sunday night for poetry. Usually Sunday nights are dedicated to football. Poetry is better than football. Fuck football. On June 19th we had the explicit pleasure of witnessing this New York duo read online. Jupiter, Florida was their location, specifically a house roughly six miles away from the beach. To make the occasion even more special Spencer quit his job in a dramatic fashion and high-tailed it down to Steinberg’s house. You know, because poetry ought to be this dramatic, especially on the beach. 

                Beach Poetry could become a possible genre. Spencer Madsen wrote poems on the beach, making them ‘beach poetry’ or, as Frank Hinton put it ‘shoretry’. As Spencer spent a great deal of time in Florida, he overheard children’s conversations. Florida conversations by children tend to be a bit ridiculous. Somehow the mixture of tacky culture alongside a lack of any intellectual rigor (as per Spencer, nobody cares about art in Miami) makes it one of the wealthiest pieces of trash in the entire country if not the world. 

                I like how Spencer and Jacob tore apart Miami artists. That was fantastic. Each one completed the other’s thought about the sheer uselessness of the artists there, particularly one such idiot who wanted to call his gallery “Formalism” as he thought that would be the most radical name for it. Personally I’m amazed artists even live in Miami. Usually I figure artists move to Miami, no actual art originates from that location. How both Spencer and Jacob manage to survive in such a hostile, difficult, and stupid environment is beyond me. At least those mediocre artists paid for this duo’s sushi. So they had some value: transferring money to worthy poets. 

                Spencer read a poem from “Let People Poems”. He welcomed us to his poem. After we had been brought into the poem’s space, he began. I’m a big fan of Let People Poems. Reading about a sad human feels realistic. What I hope is someday Spencer finds ‘true love’. Or at the very least that he gets to ride his bike with someone sweet. 

                “Porn” Jackson Nieuwland’s chapbook received attention. For his poem Jackson focused on the importance of cuddling. Cuddling is a lost art form. As Jackson often focuses on the fantastic-ness of the world this feels like a logical place for him to explore. I’m amazed he managed to send his chapbook all the way to Mr. Steinberg’s address in Florida. Guess porn moves quickly. Jacob read it with his characteristic swag. As a bonus, he read his poems on “NewWaveVomit” as well. That was not all he needed to let out.

                Upon Jacob showing off his pink underwear and one rib, Spencer began reading. They had a ‘relay race’ poetry reading. “Brief Interviews with Hideous Men” interested Spencer. As these were small pieces it fit in nicely to the poetry selections. David Foster Wallace wrote this book, a collection of 23 short stories. I miss him and feel a bit strange that “The Pale King” even got published as it is a bit of an ‘incomplete’ book of his. 


                I liked the focus on Julio Cortazar. Jacob translated these poems along with reading them. Apparently no one has bothered to translate his work into English, or precious little of it. Both Jacob Steinberg and Stephen Tully Dierks happen to be huge fans of this writer. Hopefully I can find more of it at some point, it is fantastic. 

                To show they were open to more experimental forms of prose they read “TLC’s” song “Waterfalls”. Or rather, Jacob did not read this, he felt it. I remember where I was when I first heard “Waterfalls”. For me, this song spoke volumes to me. Grade school suddenly became comprehensible with the help of this magnificent group. Suddenly everything in my life gained meaning thanks to TLC and this song in particular. 

                “Thought Catalog” came up. Spencer read his rejected article. “How to want to quit your Job” was the name of his article. In it he described in vivid detail about the dread of facing your job. Each bit mentioned the alarm clock, shower, train, bus, and thinking about the difference between you at home versus you at your workplace. Hearing him mention the tiniest of details convinces me people may be interested in the anguish of a workplace. Somehow I made it through five years with trepidation about such uncomfortable conversations with bosses.  

                Spencer will be coming out with a book. 95% of everything he’s ever written on the internet shall be removed. All of a sudden he’ll restart his brand (known as ‘rebranding’ by Impossible Mike) and become a new internet person. I think this is great idea. The book (entitled ‘A Million Bears’) will bring Spencer Madsen the poetry groupies he’s always wanted. 

                Carolyn DeCarlo had her poem read. This gets extremely explicit. While I’d like to explain what happens in the poem, I don’t want to ruin it. Details help build the scene and contribute to the mood of the poem. Eventually the focus shifts away from the individual’s perspective on pleasure to helping others. 

                “Goldfish” talked about the stupidity of fish. Jacob thought the Goldfish had it easy. They don’t remember anything. Instead of engaging or remembering things they manage to live in the moment, not experiencing pain. Love can copy this fleeting moment. Having these intense emotions means you often forget about the past and hope for the best future. 

                We watched as Spencer and Jacob bore their very souls at the end. Seeing the two of them bond at the end helped me understand how important words can be. These two were brought together by a love of the word. Now I hope to see them do future ustreams as this unstoppable poetic force. Perhaps they might even bring some semblance of intelligence to the most vapid state in the union but that may be asking too much.

Shoplifting from American Apparel (Movie)

             An attempt at making a movie out of Tao Lin’s ‘?-selling’ book has finally arrived, with all of the hype it so rightly deserves. Tao has been having a fantastic year this year, getting married, writing for Thought Catalog, and now a movie. Everything has been coming together for him after so many years of living in the direst of poverty. Hopefully he spends all the money from this movie and spends it wisely on drugs, so he can videotape himself doing them via his production company MDMA Films. I think that’s known as ‘investing’. 

                Who is behind this delightful development, sure to bring warmth and good cheer among an ultra-specific group of people? Pirooz Kalayeh is the director for this, bringing together a vast network of great people.  Seeing Pirooz in the trailer, he states how he could watch Gchats all day, so you know it’ll be a riveting performance. A cartoonist and animator have been brought in to spruce up the production and give it that glossy sheen it truly needs. In case this wasn’t enough, he actually has some pretty wonderful companies working with him to provide the bizarre sorts of items no one really needs (talking tree?), but likes having. 

                Sadly, they have run into a hitch. Unbeknown-st to them, making a film costs a great deal of money. Maybe they even knew this, I’m not sure. But their Kickstarter shows off some of the progress they’ve made thus far. I guess making a film of this caliber costs roughly $37,500. Personally, I’d urge you to check out the various goodies they’ll bestow upon you for various disclosed amounts of cash. For $5,000 you get to attend the world premiere of the movie in sunny California, with the luxurious accommodations of Kalayeh’s floor. Contribute $10,000 and you get the same thing but this time the couch, so you can see it is totally worth it. 

 Sangha films (located in Long Beach) need your help to create a film celebrating the joys of stealing stuff and selling it on EBAY to survive. Personally, I’d tell them a good way of raising cash for this film might involve stealing stuff and selling it on the internet. Hey, worked for Tao.

                Tao’s book speaks to all those who’ve tried, perhaps in vain, to add something to the vast body of literature out there. New York City is expensive, and I know people who did things similar to Tao in order to survive the great city. Unlike Tao, they didn’t write, they vegetated and eventually moved to Indonesia. So I have a tremendous amount of respect for what Tao does and continues to do, despite the vast indifference most of the internet (and reality) has towards him. With this movie, that indifference is vaguely combatted, probably while wearing a neutral expression.

                Actually the movie itself appears to be a mixture of a documentary on Tao’s harrowing life from guy typing stuff on a computer to his current situation of guy typing stuff on a computer who is married. Due to the subject matter, it is an absurdist look into someone who has been called a “literary prankster” by people who know the true definition of one. Besides Tao’s work being involved, it looks into the various creative roadblocks the crew itself faces, like raising money. Perhaps part of the movie will involve them refreshing their Kickstarter page, wondering who else just contributed money.

                Pirooz stated himself to share the link with friends and family. So I’ll do that. Click here to learn more about the myriad ways of supporting a starving artist who is doing a movie about another starving artist. And the circle of life is complete.

MDMA Films: Bebe Zeva Preview


                A teaser trailer came out today showing off the relationship between Tao Lin and Bebe Zeva. I’ll be honest; I found some of the earlier video trailers to be nothing more than valentines Tao and Megan made together. With this particular outing, Tao’s discovered a little thing called “Editing”. Usually the previews for most of this stuff appear to be random scenes taken at random. Here he has it formatted in such a way that people might actually want to ‘see’ it.

                I’ll be honest: from the first time I mentioned Tao Lin on here, he’s grown on me. When you first encounter his zany weirdness, you wonder “Is this guy serious? Is it all a ruse?” The more you encounter him, read his books, watch his ‘movies’ the more those answers don’t matter. Basically, you get the impression from this trailer that he and Bebe are good friends. Despite their obvious age differences, they seem to be peas in a pod regarding temperament at least. Seeing them together, their sense of humor meshes well, and they do approach something verging on wit. 

                Megan is in the background for this trailer. Rather than being someone to throw a damp, wet towel on, she is in the background. Maybe their idea is to adopt Bebe, forming an unstoppable trio of zaniness. I can’t even think of how much money they’d get from their parents if they adopted someone, particularly if they don’t actually need to provide her with anything, since she already has parents. I only put this idea out there since Tao’s been trolling his own Though Catalog pieces, asking for somebody to loan him $5000. For a brief moment, I almost offered a $5,000 loan to him, but I decided against it since I’d have to reveal my true identity which he could sell for an additional $12. Didn’t want to risk it, I will need a lot more than that very shortly anyway.

                Watching it, it looks focused. Probably this is the most focused effort I’ve seen from the MDMA films. It has a point, to explore Bebe’s psyche and reveal her innermost thoughts, like how many twitter followers a toothbrush or public toilet seat might have. You know; the really important, core of my existence type of stuff. 

                Perhaps I’m the audience for this: it sure can meander (MDMA films have that as a principle I guess) but it is definitely their most appealing outing. Everything, even the inventions (like how they pretend she’s homeless) is funny. I enjoy things where there’s no concrete plot or organized structure. It appears to have been fairly well-edited and if you’re fond of Bebe or Tao (and many people are fans of both) it offers you something great.

                The biggest selling point is how it may attract new followers to Bebe. Honestly, there was a lot of ambivalence about who was cooler: Bebe or Project Girl on the hit blog Hipster Runoff. Now the two seem to be working together. And if you didn’t like Bebe before, either finding her too haughty or self-aware, this is a good place to realize why she became the model for Hipster Runoff. She seems actually really nice in this, like a person you’d want to be friends with. 

                Easily this is the best MDMA films trailer ever. One might be tempted to buy it for reasons other than Tao Lin/Megan Boyle charity and it is out now. Perhaps I judged the project wrong; this little glimpse is making me almost re-consider my original harsh assessment of their idea. I’ll have more of an open mind for their future previews. 

                In closing:

                “You’re the cutest homeless girl I have ever met in my life.”

True Love DOESN’T wait: Tao Lin and Megan Boyle Married!

                Previously Beach Sloth covered the flowering relationship between alt writers Megan Boyle and Tao Lin. Watching them grow on each other, become each other’s romantic interest, and made countless readers swoon. I hoped that they could come together to create future writers (via sexual reproduction).

                Well, I have great news for you. Those who thought this would be just a gimmick; you’ve either been proven very right or very wrong. On Saturday, January 8th, in the year 2011 of our Lord, Tao Lin and Megan combined forces in holy matrimony. Now they are recognized by law as being lawfully wed in the Las Vegas area. Love knows no geographic location, it is universal. 

                Some may point out both Tao and Megan received money from their parents for this marriage. According to their internal messages, they netted thousands of dollars from each one of their families, which will be wisely invested or, more likely, ‘invested’ on drugs. But they didn’t do it for the money. I can only imagine how the courtship worked between the two of them. Tao must have come up to her and said, as sexily as he could:


                “Hey baby, how’d you like to get filmed doing drugs with me?”


                Who could resist a charm offensive like that? In case that question proves too difficult for you, let me answer it: no one. Tao is a catch; he has literally tens of dollars in the bank. Keep in mind since he shoplifts so much his expenses excluding rent is extremely small. Now that he has a wife, she can help him steal food and headphones from local stores. Perhaps he and she could walk out of a Duane Reade with enough food to last a week. 

                Not everyone is thrilled about the news. Certain online tastemakers expressed disapproval at the relationship. Carles of the famous blog “Hipster Runoff” made an offer to Megan Boyle. Leaked in a Gchat photo by none other Brandon Scott Gorrell, some guy I never heard of. Anyway, below is Carles’ response upon hearing the news:

                “Megan, I can offer you a contract that offers stability, hits, and the love your father never gave you if you quit MDMA films and your relationship with Tao right now.”

                Of course, Megan is a stylish classy lady. She simply laughed it off. Tao wore an ‘annoyed’ expression as he explained that Carles wasn’t the only one with a strong online brand, explaining how he was about to come into $1,400, virtually the yearly income of your average Cape Verde citizen. What was left unsaid was that Tao’s worth can’t be put into mere dollars and cents. Unlike Carles, he’s exposed himself for the world to see. He’s considered sending nude pictures of himself to fans in New Zealand.

                Carles immediately left the Gchat upon being rejected. Maybe Carles decided to call his own hotline to ask for his own advice which he’ll play on the next podcast. Or possibly Carles could’ve been just kidding and wanted to be silly. We’ll never know as Carles lives only on the internet and not in ‘real life’ (via never being seen in real life). 

                On Sunday, Carles posted his own take on the marriage, labeling it a ‘gimmick’. Maybe that hurt a little bit. I feel that all relationships require a certain degree of compromise between the two people. Each one negotiates with the other, finding that sweet in-between spot. Most people of the ‘authentic’ or ‘alternative’ persuasion believe perfect love awaits them. No compromise would be needed. Hence all these cool brothers and sisters are lonely. Tao and Megan’s marriage sort of confirms the belief perfect partners exist. Carles’ take seems to be that it is a gimmick, but love is real, no gimmick needed. Probably he’s worried about his alt cred, wondering if he’ll find his significant other, settle down, marry and have kids enrolled in a private art school (like Cooper Union). We’ll just need to wait and see. But the online support is greatly in favor of Tao and Megan’s holiest of matrimonies. 

                It seems the amount of online support for the Tao/Boyle relationship is reaching a fever pitch. Personally, I still think that IMBOYCRAZY’s interview had something to do with this turn of events. Alexi Wasser’s questions must have reached the inner most depths of Tao’s drug-addled mind. He knew not every girl would do cocaine off the head of his penis. He needed to strike while the love was hot and while he was in Las Vegas working on Bebe Zeva’s documentary.

                They appeared extremely happy at their marriage. So far kids are not expected in the foreseeable future though Tao feels open to them. Each set of parents has nothing but happiness for each of the two young writers.
                Here at Beach Sloth, I’m wishing them the best. Even on the heaviest of drugs, their love shines through like a light house piercing through the dark night. By being a couple, I can more easily stalk them online like countless others (stalkers = twitter followers). Be fruitful and multiply you crazy kids!

                May I suggest singing the following to each other in monotone?

“Forever, and ever, you'll stay in my heart
And I will love you
Forever, and ever we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, forever, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only mean heartbreak for me.”