XXX: A Bad Girl’s Ball

                People say there’s a thin line between genius and madness. Christina Calph may be the one who erases that line. Those who claim to be into edgy comedy never came up with her approach. What is her approach you might innocently ask? Essentially she replicates the beginning stages of dementia with her youtube clips. I’m not sure where the humor lies, whether it is with the viewer or with the viewer’s viewing of the viewers.  Something seriously strange is going on here. Another possible explanation may be Christina goes crazy and we all politely laugh at it not knowing her true intention. How or what you laugh at is not important, her goal is to make sure you do laugh at some point.

                I have some evidence that the viewer creates the humor. On her video for “Milkshake – by Kelis” she sings in a made up language called ‘Tinker Tink’. The reason she created this language is she is bored of speaking English. Christina explains living in New York City she hears countless languages each and every day. During the video she explains by watching you’ll learn her language and become closer with her. 

                The comments between the video provide the greatest amount of humor, even more than the video itself. Perhaps she created something so weird that the audience does not know whether to laugh or get angry at wasting four minutes of their time. Reading the comments is pretty funny. “FootGuyBri” focuses on her aesthetic appeal stating quite eloquently “You are so unbelievably hot you can talk gibberish as much as you want.” Others agree, with “poppapump23” romantically stating “I totally jacked it to this”. Not everyone had the same reaction which I’m certain was Ms. Calph’s intention. A response to the support states “WTF she's so dumb not that really hot either retard” showing “TheRobertprz” to be somewhat dissatisfied with Ms. Calph’s performance. Finally, confusion lurks with a brilliant comment by “Ambernolan” stating simply “THEFUCK??!?!?!?!?!?”

                She plays multiple characters in her videos displaying a wide range of crazy. In her video “Sexy Dance for Our Troops XXX Style” she appears to take on a mildly (or extremely) offensive Southern accent. Janae (Christina’s character) brings together many misconceptions about Southerners. By taking this route she has multiple levels of humor for those willing to put up with the many distasteful illusions she oftentimes makes. Keep in mind though that to some degree all forms of humor includes some kind of mockery. Christina proceeds to dance for the second half of the video to the song “Sweet Home Alabama”. 

                Commenters add an additional layer of humor once again. “Rustedrails” did not appreciate the large amount of talking during the video, stating clearly “Less talk more booty shaking” referring to her posterior moving about in a provocative manner. An argument broke out between the two commenters “subliminal8” and “mommyinlove101010”. Subliminal8 wrote “I freaking love you!!! You made this soldier happy, and you had the nice southern accent reminds me of home in Mississippi!!!” This sat poorly with “mommyinlove101010” his wife in the United States. Writing in terse sentences she says “You should be ashamed of yourself subliminal8 I’m your wife and we have a son try being faithful and not look at whores! Thank you”  and “I’m your wife you asked to marry me not many women are faithful to soldiers but I’ve been faithful I take care of your son I love you and I take care of you and this is how u repay me?” Having this exchange made the video that much more ridiculous for me. 

                I wish I knew how to react to these videos. She has a lot of them up, none of them with the same repeating character. Within those videos are varying degrees of quality, form, and amounts of dancing, though dancing appears to be the only constant. Rarely do I say this, but I am completely confused by what is going on in these videos.  Don’t think of Christina as a girl, think of her as a concept. You could spend your entire life exploring Christina’s deeply troubling/humorous youtube clips and never ‘get it’. That’s a good thing.

Did Youtube Kill the Flash Animation Star?

                Some sentences are unforgettable. They let you know what kind of world you live in, what truly motivates people. John F. Kennedy, Winston Churchill, Barack Obama, and countless other leaders have inspired us. For me, I have one single sentence that has gotten me through the longest and hardest days:

                “It’s Peanut-Butter Jelly Time”

                A banana comes forward. It begins dancing. Seeing the banana dance to its heart’s content reassures me all is good with the world. Even after the flash animation craze has ended, sometimes I long for peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat. You know, the quintessential American pastime: eating food and violence.

                Flash Animation warmed me in the evening. It served as a night light, comforting me in its self-contained environment. Sure Flash Animations continue but they don’t have the same amount of importance. Watching two eggs (Weebl and Bob) talk in gibberish about pies gave me hope in the future of humanity. On the opposite end, “Foamy the Squirrel” gave me no hope about anything. After I saw any “Foamy the Squirrel” episode I’d feel simultaneously relieved and guilty, the kind of emotion you experience after masturbating. 

                 Entire communities came together to celebrate the weird. People used to huddle around the computer watching pointless cartoons on “Ebaumsworld”. Once you made it big on Ebaumsworld, you could start your own website. Possessing your own website made you a big deal. Usually there would be some marketing gimmick thrown in, “Salad Fingers” spoons being a particularly egregious example. Yes, that animator happened to be a sick, disturbed individual but that made his animations only that much better.

                Homestar Runner might have been the “Seinfeld” of Flash Animation. The weird yet wholesome humor made it a perfect pick. You could show it to your parents, to your younger siblings, really to anyone. Somehow they managed to transcend the ordinary. An entire environment, really a village worth of material got compressed into a single website. Unlike a lot of flash animations, they were able to use inspiration from viewers via Strong Bad’s emails. Later they sold DVDs of the popular email segment. Countless spinoffs of spinoffs existed. “Teen Girl Squad” grew off of single email. Other parts of the site lightly mocked lesser flash animation cartoons. 

                The internet cycles through fads. Every Myspace has its Facebook. For Flash Animation, its demise was YouTube. Unlike Flash Animation, YouTube videos require less work. Most YouTube clips don’t inspire others. Instead, the emotion from the viewers is usually one of laughter, pity, or embarrassment. Oddly the creator of the said YouTube clip has roughly the same range of emotions.

                Where did the Flash Animators go? Most of them went to work on weird, quirky cartoons such as “Home Movies” or “Gary the Rat”. Both of those happen to be personal favorites of mine, especially “Gary the Rat”. Anyone who can have Kelsey Grammer voice a giant rat lawyer is a hero in my book. These were the successful, non-embarrassing ones. “Stroker and Hoop” was one of those that after you finished watching it you wondered “Why?” and proceeded to do some chore to wash the guilt off you had from wasting a half-hour of your life. 

                Perhaps at some point, in the not-so-distant future, we’ll be explaining to our children what Flash Animation was. Perhaps we’ll even explain what YouTube was. All I know for certain is that anywhere, on any given day or time, it is Peanut Butter Jelly Time.

Richard Chiem

                When I first met heard of Richard Chiem, I noticed he began following me on Twitter. Then he invaded my blog with a question for Steve Roggenbuck for an interview called the “Pseudo-Social Scavenger Hunt” for the (Youth is Write Series). After I discovered why a question was on my blog for someone named Steve Roggenbuck, I told him it was awesome. He thanked me for using my site. 

                “Old Tampons” is the first short story of Richard’s I’ve encountered. It is about long distance relationships. Richard originally submitted it on “NewWaveVomit” and it resonated with a lot of people. First he read it aloud and you can hear it here. Personally, I enjoy his delivery of it. If it is possible for someone to sound like a poet, Richard Chiem sounds like one. He sounds similar to my college poetry teacher. Though my college poetry teacher was called “Mr. Beardsley” (which he might have legally done in order to teach poetry more ironically) one of the most ridiculous names I’ve encountered in my entire life besides “Bea Trout”. Richard’s work is well-thought out with an emotional core that makes the effort more than worth it. 

                A few fine individuals created a short film based off of his poem. Michael Inscoe, Meggie Green, and Melinda Wheeler star in it. All of them match the energy I get from reading the poem. If you’re more of a visual person, or don’t enjoy reading poetry, then you can watch the Youtube video right here. They have a well-chosen soundtrack as well, which is important to someone as obsessed with music as I. 

                “Long distance relationships are like believing in God and do you want to believe in God again?”

                The above introduces you to the poem. For me, it was strong. I’ve never been in a long-distance relationship. I wonder; what if I fell in love with someone. Could I manage to have the faith needed to let that connection stay strong, or would I just let it be, parting with one last hurrah as I moved away. I’m happy then that Richard’s story basically ruminates on that very emotional decision.

                A lot of religious metaphors are in the poem as well. They are beautiful. Using “Christ” in two different situations gives both the absolute highs and lows of a single word with all the baggage it entails. Having it mean the hurt and suffering Christ had at being so alone. Having it mean the pure joy and kindness he literally embodied as he embraced others to make them whole again. 

                Personally, I adored this poem. The hurt both of them feel is vividly portrayed. I couldn’t have asked for more direct language. As I read it, I feel sad at the amount of space and time countless others must have felt as they started out on a long-distance relationship. Both parties feel an unequal amount of hurt as they leave each other, her to go to Boston, him to stay on the West Coast. It was well-paced and gorgeous. Even as it was sad, it had hope for the times they met and were happy together. 

                I’d strongly suggest checking him out. He’s number #23 on Online Literary Power along with the editor of Vertebrae, an online journal of literature and art. If none of this means anything to you, he’s also really nice. That counts the most.

I want a Low-Octane Performance.

Reading about concert reviews, I stumbled upon a Rihanna article. It stated how Rihanna rocks in a sudden surprise show in Manhattan. Everybody all around Times Square started singing with her, glad to have her bestow her presence on mere commoners. They are pleased to see her on such a small stage, it is so exciting.

I hear these words describing concerts all the time. Honestly, I’m a little tired of these performances showing “enthusiasm” for the audience. Rather than these high-octane performances, I want a low-octane performance. When I enter that concert hall, I want the singer or performers to be half-asleep or fully asleep.

There’s a few ways this can happen, and it already looks like pop and indie music are converging on the same point. Pop musicians lip-sync like it was nobody’s business. So you get to watch your favorite artist dance right in front of you. Since they’re performing to a pre-recorded track, they really can give it their all dance-wise. Of course they can go further. Whitney Houston doesn’t lip sync; she just kind of stands there and forgets the lyrics of most of her songs. Perhaps if she decided to get a beer in the middle of her concert as the rest of the band sort of mumbles, then I might want to see her live. 

Indie music as well includes similar forms of sleepiness. Some entire genres are based exclusively on not interacting with the audience. Off the top of my head, I’d say shoegaze does a great job of embodying that non-performance I want others to strive towards. Unable to be bothered with even looking at the audience, they merely play their instruments and stare blankly at their Converse sneakers. 

Outside of rock, there are those legends. Salem could not care less whether or not you enjoy their performance. In fact, when they were asked about their dreadful appearance at South by Southwest, they stated that “Who cares about performing live, we wanted to take a nap. Those audience members should consider themselves lucky to see us. Screw our fans, those guys suck.”  After the fall out and receiving only a 7.5 on Pitchfork for their album, they have since shied away from such middle finger invoking statements. I guess most of the buzz-o-sphere wants musicians who ‘care’ about what they do, rather than having them rap while on psychotropic substances.  Nonetheless, they take “Not giving a fuck” to a whole new level. 

My ideal low octane performance might be an even more lethargic slow version of Sigur Ros. Instead of standing up for the performance, the attendees bring blankets and pillows. As the band begins, they move at a sloth-like pace. Slowly, things build down to the absolute basic parts of the music. Think of a stripped down version of Low and you’re halfway there. Eventually the drummer falls asleep and the guitars play so rarely all you hear is the ghost eminence of what had been a chord. The singer brings all of the band members together and they spoon on stage before falling asleep completely.

I really hope that someday these indie and pop bands will realize how much easier things can be if they take this approach. That way energy could be used more productively by updating their twitter, posting songs up on pitchfork/youtube, and partying hard. Bands, you’re welcome. Audience, buy some sleep attire. May I suggest matching pajamas?

Nerve City – Sleepwalker EP 8.0

Whoa, I never enjoy EPs this much. Music releases in general usually involved some sort of fat to be trimmed, or the expectation that at some point the musician will skimp out on that indefinable quality known as “good”. Here we have one of those few releases.

Right from the get-go, it sounds Lo-Fi. I know that term gets thrown around, like a gimmick for bands to hide behind. Like “Oh, we’re lo-fi, it doesn’t have to be catchy.” Nerve City didn’t get that memo, it sounds like pure infectious pop. As I listen to it, it delivers on the promise bands like The Black Lips guaranteed us, only to give it to us periodically.

“Sleepwalker” is such a sweet, sweet track. It is a great beginning, so great that I wondered whether or not the rest of the EP lived up to that expectation. Would the lyrics be as interesting, or the melodies as infectious? Actually yes would be the answer.  

“Armory” removes some of the dreamy quality for a big stomp with a serious Western twang. Think of an acid cowboy movie soundtrack and you are there (looking at you Jim Jarmusch’s “Dead Man”). And “Runaway” sounds beyond lo-fi, like some re-discovered blues track from the early 30s.

I’m shocked they come from Miami. First Iron & Wine, then Jacuzzi Boys, if I didn’t know better I’d say there’s an undercurrent in music which works against its environment. Rather than take the easy approach and just accept how tacky Florida can be, they look for the authentic. Nerve City do this to a tee. Below is a delightful link to some of their youtube videos. Enjoy!

Nerve City 

True New Zealand Hero: BATalsdr on YouTube

Occasionally someone comes along and provides a service, a great service which you don’t see every day. YouTube isn’t known for those sorts of people, but sometimes there are a few gems in the rough of various online personalities. Sometimes it is their bubbly personality, but often it is someone who instead decides to be completely anonymous and let action speaks louder than words.

BATalsdr from New Zealand is one such person. The fact that this person has exquisite taste in music on a site known for the opposite is a miracle in itself. How this person has such a vast amount of music is a mystery to me, as is the fact that it is such high quality. We’re talking not only about the obvious bests of IDM but even harder to find stuff from Raster Noton, Planet Mu, and nearly every alias Aphex Twin ever had (of course it might be possible to have each one, but there’s so much they’ve posted).

Each song has an orange background, perhaps as a way of easily identifying it as their channel. They are the most subscribed used out of all of New Zealand, with over 7.5 million views as of this article. It’s simply amazing; I wish I knew more about this person. But I guess I’ll have to be content with the fact that this is a person who single-handedly makes the internet a better place.

I’m not the only one, read the comments posted on his channel. From outflows of love, to shaking of hands, to even marriage proposals, this is epic stuff. And they don’t comment on anything, they just stay completely anonymous. There’s no linkage to the We Are The Music Makers Forum, it is just completely blank, nothing about the genius behind this. You just get the music that orange screen displaying artist, song name, and album and release date. 

You see over 986 uploads, all quality. Really BATalsdr, I feel that you make the world a better place. Please be fruitful and multiply.

BATalsdr

Of course that is his YouTube channel. Take a listen, have a laugh.

Games – Everything is Working 6.6

Dan Lopatin of Oneohtrix Point Never teams up with Joel Ford of Tiger City to celebrate 70s and 80s cheesy funk. Like all Oneohtrix Point Never stuff it works for reasons you can’t quite describe.

According to interviews Dan has given, he stated that he used to just endlessly loop parts of youtube videos, slightly changing the tempos, pitches and layers. So it is natural that at some point he’d be unable to resist doing that for a whole music project. Besides, Oneohtrix Point Never does that to some degree, mixing high and low culture in infinity expanding waves. 

The A side certainly comes across as a little bit like that. Obviously they had a bunch of fun making the first side. “Everything is Workings” seems a bit too easy. A few pieces moved around here and there to goofy effect. It is the second half “Heartland” which really excels.

Oh, it isn’t like “Heartland” takes itself seriously. There’s plenty of stupidity to go around, but it feels more like a full-fledged song. Whatever has been done was done quietly, subtly. It works as a great track, and sort of makes me wonder how much of a music nerd Dan really is.

A good start to what might be a full project (here’s hoping). But we'll probably have a better idea in a longer format, since that's what Dan tends to excel in.