I want a Low-Octane Performance.

Reading about concert reviews, I stumbled upon a Rihanna article. It stated how Rihanna rocks in a sudden surprise show in Manhattan. Everybody all around Times Square started singing with her, glad to have her bestow her presence on mere commoners. They are pleased to see her on such a small stage, it is so exciting.

I hear these words describing concerts all the time. Honestly, I’m a little tired of these performances showing “enthusiasm” for the audience. Rather than these high-octane performances, I want a low-octane performance. When I enter that concert hall, I want the singer or performers to be half-asleep or fully asleep.

There’s a few ways this can happen, and it already looks like pop and indie music are converging on the same point. Pop musicians lip-sync like it was nobody’s business. So you get to watch your favorite artist dance right in front of you. Since they’re performing to a pre-recorded track, they really can give it their all dance-wise. Of course they can go further. Whitney Houston doesn’t lip sync; she just kind of stands there and forgets the lyrics of most of her songs. Perhaps if she decided to get a beer in the middle of her concert as the rest of the band sort of mumbles, then I might want to see her live. 

Indie music as well includes similar forms of sleepiness. Some entire genres are based exclusively on not interacting with the audience. Off the top of my head, I’d say shoegaze does a great job of embodying that non-performance I want others to strive towards. Unable to be bothered with even looking at the audience, they merely play their instruments and stare blankly at their Converse sneakers. 

Outside of rock, there are those legends. Salem could not care less whether or not you enjoy their performance. In fact, when they were asked about their dreadful appearance at South by Southwest, they stated that “Who cares about performing live, we wanted to take a nap. Those audience members should consider themselves lucky to see us. Screw our fans, those guys suck.”  After the fall out and receiving only a 7.5 on Pitchfork for their album, they have since shied away from such middle finger invoking statements. I guess most of the buzz-o-sphere wants musicians who ‘care’ about what they do, rather than having them rap while on psychotropic substances.  Nonetheless, they take “Not giving a fuck” to a whole new level. 

My ideal low octane performance might be an even more lethargic slow version of Sigur Ros. Instead of standing up for the performance, the attendees bring blankets and pillows. As the band begins, they move at a sloth-like pace. Slowly, things build down to the absolute basic parts of the music. Think of a stripped down version of Low and you’re halfway there. Eventually the drummer falls asleep and the guitars play so rarely all you hear is the ghost eminence of what had been a chord. The singer brings all of the band members together and they spoon on stage before falling asleep completely.

I really hope that someday these indie and pop bands will realize how much easier things can be if they take this approach. That way energy could be used more productively by updating their twitter, posting songs up on pitchfork/youtube, and partying hard. Bands, you’re welcome. Audience, buy some sleep attire. May I suggest matching pajamas?

Struggle of the Bedroom musician

Life is hard for the bedroom musician. Nobody respects a guy who goes up to an audience and mumbles into a microphone:

“Hi, I’m going to play songs from my laptop.”

Then for the next 45 minutes you see this guy pretend to jam out on a better laptop than the one you have at home. Of course, there’s always the chance that he’s just playing MP3s out of it as he’s winning solitaire games. Usually there’s one or two of their friends in the audience as plants. After the show they usually say what a great job the guy did nodding his head back and forth along with staring blankly at a computer monitor. 

Life is hard for these artists. It used to be acceptable to have those kinds of concerts. No longer can anyone tolerate it. You just don’t have the labels as interested. Each time a guy comes on stage with a laptop the audience groans. Only somebody like The Field, who plays decadent dance music, can get away with this. And even he included actual musicians on his second album.

Some labels like 12k, City Centre Offices, and a few others accept this as a legitimate art form. But for most, one is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do. Waking up in the morning and writing MP3s just has been sort of frowned upon. Thus, you either need absolutely amazing material (Like Washed Out), or, more realistically, you need to flesh out your live sound with a full band, like what Toro Y Moi does (and should continue to do).

Besides the obvious joy of having actual friends, being a bedroom artist now carries a derogatory connotation, like you can only be bothered with this before you go to sleep or after you wake up. Heaven forbid you actually spent time on making this good. See Jandek as a bedroom artist for further evidence that there’s something a little off about it.

Plus (and this might be the most important) without those other bands members, you’ll never get sweet advertising money. Do you really think that WAVVES would be as successful if he didn’t have Mountain Dew? Of course not, he’d be living on the streets. Just like Twin Shadow is the spokesperson for Robitussin, or the Polyphonic Spree advertises for Prozac. It just makes sense, and having a creepy, lonely dude explain that to you doesn’t have the same effect. 

So if you’re going the route of bedroom musician, fine. You can write those songs in your PJs, but keep in mind at some point, if you become successful, you’ll need a group of musicians good enough to learn the songs but not good enough to actually make it on their own. Perhaps you have a music teacher friend, or a guy who does weddings. It doesn’t matter so much where they are from, but that they will propel you to another level. As you grow together, you’ll gain access to Converse’s recording label and someday use Motel 6’s warm welcome to all touring artists.

A-level doesn’t involve being alone anymore.