Live Reading from Brett Gallagher’s Bed

                This is the best reading I’ve seen of boykitten material. According to the event, seventy five people committed to seeing them perform live from Brett Gallagher’s bed. Of course, this is never the case. People randomly stumble upon it and those committed party members sleep in too late. Still, this ended up bringing nearly forty people together, no mean feat. Omar De Col, Aurist, and Crispin Best were there to give it a bit of British glamor. 

                Kat Dixon appeared. You may better know her as one of the best-known critics of the boykittens. It seems she’s willing to give these guys a chance. Whether or not she actually enjoyed it, I’m not sure. Throughout the reading she did appear to have fun and playfully commented on some of the silliness going on in their small space. 

                Is the internet vegan? Is water vegan? Omar knew how to ask the important questions. Brett Gallagher asked “Are Animal Crackers vegan?”  Brett had a larger issue however and it involved his penis. For his upcoming book “Vessel” he wanted to put a dick pic as the main picture for his collection. Those who were not Brett (Stephen Tully Dierks, Cassandra Nguyen, and Steve Roggenbuck) thought this to be the most obnoxious way of showing off his book. Members of the chat room had a different opinion. Since we’re on the internet we don’t have to give good advice. We expressed to Brett our unwavering support in favor of his proposal. Sex sells. 

                Omar De Col got some attention. Eyes gleaming, charming and drunken in a hot pink swimming suit he was covered in the Daily Post. Stephen read the report with a large amount of passion. Lacy Maxwell, a local reporter, spoke at length to Omar. I figure in the UK internet poets are given more coverage since there isn’t much going on there now that the royal wedding is over. Hopefully Omar and Lacy hit it off after the impromptu interview. 

                Let People Poems received at least one reading as is tradition. Reprobus has submitted a lot of stuff for the site, but he hadn’t been read before. Among other things, he discussed how he liked internet poetry when it was written in books. Basically Reprobus created replica of what an online poetry pissing contest might sound like, complete with other nonsensical references. Steve Roggenbuck’s chapbook “i am like october when i am dead” got a wink, Poncho a nod. Egyptian internet poets from the BC era, overlooked in my view, were discussed at great length.  

 

                “I don’t respect Female Expression”, Frank Hinton’s recently released chapbook received the proper respect. After the perfect reading, Stephen Tully Dierks said “Damn she can write”. Everyone agreed. While he read it I began to feel vestiges of my Catholic guilt coming in, reminding me I should probably get her book. 

                Crispin Best wrote a poem based heavily off of Aladdin. Disney clearly owes him money. I wonder how much money Crispin will get for his heartfelt tribute to the classic movie. Whatever the amount it is far too little. 

                Poncho could not make it. Unfortunately he spent the night in the Dallas-Fort Worth airport. He couldn’t even make it virtually. In honor of Poncho’s entrapment, they read “Today’s the Day!” on Metazen. To accurately capture the tone of the poem, Brett drank five beers. Completely in the zone he tried to get through the poem. Obviously his intoxication prevented him from finishing it. Stamina ended up not being there even as his mind tried sloughing through. We tweeted for him but alcohol proved to be stronger than his love of literature. Besides, Poncho writes poems on a rather epic scale. 

                Of course we got there for the bed. According to the event page on Facebook, they would be reading live from their bed. All of them looked tired as they collected into an asexual pile on the bed. They looked happy together. They looked drunk together. For a brief moment, they looked like a family of poets. We got introduced to their cat and the final segment of the broadcast. 

                Casual Encounters received a great deal of laughter. By reading these out of context, we realize how funny they really are. Seeing the expression on the quartet’s faces was priceless. According to Steve Roggenbuck, they saw more pictures than they wanted. Poetry can be found anywhere. I guess they wanted to show that to us in the grossest and funniest way possible. When people post on casual encounters they don’t think about grammar, verbs, or even coherence. It can be hard to type with only one hand. So sentences like “Just be smell like a man” make sense in the clouds of horniness. 

                I love these ustreams. Hope they continue to do these silly, goofy, and surprisingly rewarding things.

Omar De Col

                Omar De Col is some British poetry guy. When I look at his name, I think he could be a historical figure who was well known for collecting exotic insects. I don’t know why his name does this for me. Perhaps it’s the “De” which creates an unnecessary pause in my mind. Also, I want to call him Omar De LOL for when he does something funny.

                Most of what he does is genuinely funny. Even his Tumblr shows off his mix of honesty and humor. It gives off a feeling of sweetness and confidence in short concise sentences or phrases. Plus the name of it “Avant-Garde Bagpipe Solos” goes well with my fictitious genre “Polka Noise”. The explanation of his work is 

                “this a collection of thoughts/stories/poems inspired mostly by red bull, residual (post/pre-masturbation) horniness and boredom” 

                Most of Tumblr should have this as a warning. At least Omar had the good sense of stating the obvious. It’s this humor which makes his limited amount of work so enjoyable. Most of his poetry appears either on his Tumblr or on LetPeoplePoems, a sweet site which allows people to submit their poetry. His poem about a deaf pigeon was the first submission.

                “Re Frank Hinton” was based off of his internet affection for Frank Hinton. For those of you unaware of her work, Frank Hinton runs Metazen. I like her poetry. She lives in a cloud of smoke in a part of Canada which other Canadians consider really boring. Internet crushes are hard he tells us. Having a crush on an internet enigma like Frank Hinton is even harder. As an added addition, he had this one go viral on Steve Roggenbuck’s Facebook wall. While it went viral, various individuals mentioned new poetic ways of using social media. I told someone to get a Cherry Coke.

                Two of his other poems are even more absurd. “Right before I come” mentions 60s movies stars and why he can’t bring M&Ms to work. His Omar.com one on LetPeoplePoems is fantastic. Instead of it being pure text, he uses a screen-shot of his poem, similar to how Frank Hinton used in “unrequested livejasmin.com pop-up”. Unlike that one, he openly wanted to use the Omar.com site to branch out to every part of the Omar demographic. Plus, he’ll monetize it hard and bring about joy through social networking.

                Another one of his poems “so hawny” expresses his joy at being aroused sexually. Food items become objects of affection. The mention of marmalade helps me remember just how British he is because we don’t believe in that shit here in America. In America we fuck pies. By the end we get to the age old question of whether or not life is better having fucked a jar of peanut butter or simply leaving it alone. Personally, I feel it is better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all. He expresses similar feelings in the poem "long distance relationships" where sex is had over Skype. Omar is a dreamer.

                I’ve only been exposed to a little more than this from his Tumblr. Most of his Tumblr is made up of ridiculous images with even more ridiculous captions. Out of all of them, I enjoyed the Buddha statue the most. Omar is just beginning, but I want him to continue. Continue with this train of thought Omar De Col, I want to continue using your sweet name. Holy crap he’s also on twitter as “Holiecrap”. 

                PS: Let me know if you prefer to be called Omar De LOL

Neon Glittery

                The way I understand people on the internet is the same way I do in real life: through music. Knowing whether or not they have similar musical interests to me means a great deal to me. So when I saw they not only had ‘Super’ compatibility to me on Last.FM but had their own abstract DIY electronic project as well (see here) meant I probably should check out more for the potential hope she might be awesome. She is. 

                Neon Glittery (aka Elizabeth Ashley Arnold), the name suits the Arkansas native well. Whether it is her music, photography, or poetry, she radiates happy colors. The music comes across as some lo-fi experimentation which references bits of glitch, particularly my favorite song “dragonflies”. The pictures are this weird combination from a multitude of sources. You can see what I mean by looking at the illustrations she did for Loop Loop Endogenous Nightscape. She did the lettering as well, painfully reminding me how awful I did in calligraphy class.

                Besides all of these accomplishments, she’s also a poet. Her writing is published on her own blog and in various online publications such as Metazen and NewWaveVomit. I’d suggest reading both, but I’ll go over her NewWaveVomit submissions.

                “SHHHH…..” makes me hope someday I can see the Gulf of Mexico, a place I’ve never visited. I really liked “Untitled 3” a lot. A kid sleeping in for weeks on grey cotton sheets reminds me of May 2006. Somehow I find its short length to be reassuring, like comforting me that such behavior is okay, a kind of ‘Virtue of Laziness’. Personally I think laziness is underrated but then I’m a sloth.

                “Untitled 7” is perfect. I just want to republish it because it is exactly what I wish I could have as an email signature for some office job where I’ve developed senioritis and no longer care about my responsibilities because I’ll be gone shortly. Of course, that’s just a fictional made-up scenario with no basis in reality. Personally I’ve never done that and gotten sat down by a supervisor being asked to politely not do it again. 

As I put this poem down via copy and paste, I want Neon Glittery to know this made me so absolutely happy. It conjures up the spirit of the CoBRA art movement. CoBRA drew inspiration from children’s paintings and such, so I feel it’s a somewhat apt comparison. For wonderful work see the below:

.make sense of this (NON)sense-tence.

i g0T p0CKETFULLS &

L0CKet(r0CKETFueLS)fuLLs

0

big

DREAMs.

                Dedicating a poem to a compost rock n’ roll (Untitled Haiku) and drawing inspiration from Valentine’s Day are both great. I like how she’s able to pack so much into such little statements. The rest of the poems express the happy images of hammocks and greasers. Good memories to capture. 

                Going through all her material, she’s a one-person art movement. It is pretty impressive resume to touch upon poetry, music and poetry with the same attitude. You could call it flippant. That wouldn’t exactly capture the sheer overflowing, over-pouring of ideas. She maintains six TUMBLRS, several blogs, and has collaborated with others over the internet. I like what she does. You should too.

The Universal Sigh

            I couldn’t think of a better name for the new Radiohead newspaper. Well, maybe “the European Shrug” might be equally as apt. Because they have officially become a disappointment, it’s the nail in the coffin of “The King of Limbs”. At least now the King has a proper burial.

 Radiohead usually has some form of gimmick associated with its music, whether it is giving away the music for free, some overriding concept that Computers are OK, or honey is made by some guy named Pablo. Newspapers appear to be the latest fad of theirs. Like most of what they’ve done this year, they’ve arrived to the party late. That dubstep influence on their last album, James Blake did a better job. Maybe for Radiohead’s next album will have a chillwave influence and the giveaway will be old maps of the Ottoman Empire.  

                Why did Radiohead choose to use this medium? Personally, I’ve been a bit befuddled by their recent behavior. Thom Yorke jerking around, spastically I’m fine with, that’s par for the course. But when they began this descent lately towards the abyss, towards the dregs of viral marketing, I feel embarrassed. Constantly I have to explain to people far younger than myself that they used to be good. Now with this newspaper they’ve made my argument just a little harder. And I’m sick of trying, I give up. Here comes that sigh. 

                The Universal Sigh embodies the attitude I have towards them now. I say to myself:

 “Really, we are doing this now? When will the gimmicks end? Can you stop chasing everyone else’s coattails now? How about you write some interesting material? ” 

Of course they’d release it in New Zealand first, New Zealand’s lucky to have any attention to it since “Flight of the Concords” ended. New Zealand will drool over it, they’d put up a mediafire link just so kids in more important and geographically less isolated countries can get some of that material. And sure Radiohead, how about you have in translated into English. Forget those other non-English speaking countries. 

                People claim this is a ‘genius’ marketing strategy. Those might be the same people who purchase newspapers instead of reading them online. Or the people who think best-selling equals quality.  Ask countless newspapers how they’re doing financially; it isn’t going so hot right now. If the purpose of this artifact was requiem for the newspaper industry, then mission accomplished. 

                Radiohead, I stayed with you as long as I could. I’m not angst-ridden anymore. Those aren’t problems I have. People understand me now.  Most of my bands grew with me, or, when they realized they were repeating themselves, called it quits. Each time I insult you I don’t want to feel so negative. You used to have great albums. What happened to those? I miss those. Maybe everyone has a Radiohead moment, which fades away. I guess mine’s gone. 

                According to their release, it contains short stories, poetry, pictures and so on. Lately I’ve been covering a lot of people who do fantastic jobs with all this kind of media. To save you from the potential awkwardness of reading mopey poetry from people who really should have grown out of this phase long ago, I am going to suggest some things to read and process. 

                Go read Richard Chiem’s short stories. See what Steve Roggenbuck and Poncho Peligroso (better known as the 2011 Poet Laureate) are up to. Follow NewWaveVomit on Tumblr brought to you by the caring Ana C. Look at Joe Karwacki’s art work. Find Metazen, spend some time there with the lovely (or manly) Frank Hinton. These people deserve the attention. Once you begin understanding what they do, you’ll realize they are on an upward trajectory while Radiohead’s a ship a-going down. Spare yourself the cruel fate of a Radiohead apologist. Thank you.