The Universal Sigh

            I couldn’t think of a better name for the new Radiohead newspaper. Well, maybe “the European Shrug” might be equally as apt. Because they have officially become a disappointment, it’s the nail in the coffin of “The King of Limbs”. At least now the King has a proper burial.

 Radiohead usually has some form of gimmick associated with its music, whether it is giving away the music for free, some overriding concept that Computers are OK, or honey is made by some guy named Pablo. Newspapers appear to be the latest fad of theirs. Like most of what they’ve done this year, they’ve arrived to the party late. That dubstep influence on their last album, James Blake did a better job. Maybe for Radiohead’s next album will have a chillwave influence and the giveaway will be old maps of the Ottoman Empire.  

                Why did Radiohead choose to use this medium? Personally, I’ve been a bit befuddled by their recent behavior. Thom Yorke jerking around, spastically I’m fine with, that’s par for the course. But when they began this descent lately towards the abyss, towards the dregs of viral marketing, I feel embarrassed. Constantly I have to explain to people far younger than myself that they used to be good. Now with this newspaper they’ve made my argument just a little harder. And I’m sick of trying, I give up. Here comes that sigh. 

                The Universal Sigh embodies the attitude I have towards them now. I say to myself:

 “Really, we are doing this now? When will the gimmicks end? Can you stop chasing everyone else’s coattails now? How about you write some interesting material? ” 

Of course they’d release it in New Zealand first, New Zealand’s lucky to have any attention to it since “Flight of the Concords” ended. New Zealand will drool over it, they’d put up a mediafire link just so kids in more important and geographically less isolated countries can get some of that material. And sure Radiohead, how about you have in translated into English. Forget those other non-English speaking countries. 

                People claim this is a ‘genius’ marketing strategy. Those might be the same people who purchase newspapers instead of reading them online. Or the people who think best-selling equals quality.  Ask countless newspapers how they’re doing financially; it isn’t going so hot right now. If the purpose of this artifact was requiem for the newspaper industry, then mission accomplished. 

                Radiohead, I stayed with you as long as I could. I’m not angst-ridden anymore. Those aren’t problems I have. People understand me now.  Most of my bands grew with me, or, when they realized they were repeating themselves, called it quits. Each time I insult you I don’t want to feel so negative. You used to have great albums. What happened to those? I miss those. Maybe everyone has a Radiohead moment, which fades away. I guess mine’s gone. 

                According to their release, it contains short stories, poetry, pictures and so on. Lately I’ve been covering a lot of people who do fantastic jobs with all this kind of media. To save you from the potential awkwardness of reading mopey poetry from people who really should have grown out of this phase long ago, I am going to suggest some things to read and process. 

                Go read Richard Chiem’s short stories. See what Steve Roggenbuck and Poncho Peligroso (better known as the 2011 Poet Laureate) are up to. Follow NewWaveVomit on Tumblr brought to you by the caring Ana C. Look at Joe Karwacki’s art work. Find Metazen, spend some time there with the lovely (or manly) Frank Hinton. These people deserve the attention. Once you begin understanding what they do, you’ll realize they are on an upward trajectory while Radiohead’s a ship a-going down. Spare yourself the cruel fate of a Radiohead apologist. Thank you.

The King of Limbs

                Since I’m a music blog, I’m contractually obligated to tell you Radiohead released an album on Friday called “The King of the Limbs”. Honestly, I find it a bit unchill how their album celebrates a guy who sells severed limbs to hospitals, but that’s a whole other argument altogether. I got the album, listened to it, and realized I’m on the wrong side of 20 for this kind of music.

                Radiohead exploits the gray zone between pop and experimental, without being satisfying in either respect. I used to like Radiohead as a teenager, lapping up “Ok Computer” and “Kid A”. While I still enjoy both those albums, I don’t have the same level of fondness I used to have. Rather, as I listen to Thom Yorke’s incessant whining, I wonder was I this insufferable as a teenager? Was I really this angst-ridden, over a situation which didn’t merit such a dark response? Oh boo-hoo, I grew up in a suburb where I didn’t belong.  My life was so hard.

                If you’re under the age of 20, this kind of stuff should resonate. You ought to be able to connect with Thom Yorke’s opaque lyrics talking about his poor suffering life:

                “Oh poor me, I’m worth several hundred million dollars. I sell albums to kids who think they have actual problems. People generally find me weird and allow me to do crazy spastic dances under the pretense of ‘art’. Everybody has to like my albums or suffer the consequences of being ostracized as a ‘snob’ or ‘idiot’.”

                Kids I’m certain sit in the back of the bus, connecting with this on some level. I know I did. They’re sad they live in a smaller split level than their friends. Wearing that Radiohead sharp-toothed teddy bear patch, they feel the false discomfort Thom expresses. Life is hard when you live at home in an upper-middle class suburb and are fully financially supported by your parents. 

                What bothers me most is how Radiohead seems to have coasted most of this decade. Considering the ever-decreasing quality of their product, you’d think someone might be willing to tell them to be a bit more ambitious in their undertakings. Simply using a different marketing ploy isn’t the same as producing a product on par with their late 90s stuff. Now they have some sort of critical tenure. 

                Critical reception is guaranteed to be warm. Pitchfork has a grading system specifically for the band, grading on a scale from 9.0 to 10.0, rather than something more in line with the actual item itself. Those who do offer constructive criticism (like the Needle Drop, kudos to you good sir) are attacked by a rabid, internet-dwelling fan base. Indeed, their fan base is so dedicated I wonder whether or not it ought to count as a cult. Probably the fact its fan base tends to be so articulate adds to their aurora. 

                “Oh, we can’t be bad, look at all the colorful adjectives and references people use when writing about how great we are.” –Thom Yorke 

                Personally, I don’t like what’s happening. Radiohead is becoming a ‘dinosaur act’ where they only need to occasionally come out with a product every couple years. No matter how far they’ve fallen, they are graded on a curve since they are Radiohead. I’m upset because I don’t want such a thing to happen, because I think they were good, can still be good and simply fell into a rut where they could produce a product with a near-guarantee people will purchase it. Rather than saying ‘Radiohead is stupid. I never listened to them.’ I did actually listen to them, hence why I have so much concern for where they are going (or not going in their case). 

                Each one of Radiohead’s post OK Computer or Kid A offered me enough to latch onto, whether it was “Knives Out” from Amnesiac, “A Punchup at a Wedding” from Hail to the Thief, or “Jigsaw Falling Into Place” from In Rainbows. Here, I can’t find anything which encourages me to continue following them. Maybe this is where I finally leave them for good, unable to find any bright spots alluding to a bright future as a band.  My friends feel differently of course. 

                Reading my friends’ Facebook walls for this, I worry. All of them appear to be too old for this kind of moping. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it is good. Having listened to it, I don’t see any evidence of quality. Instead, they just took some songs from random sessions, said “Hey, that doesn’t sound totally half-assed, let’s release that” and they did it. Thom Yorke did a spastic dance for a music video and they’re done. 

 How someone after the age of 20 finding meaning in this worries me. Sure, this works wonders as you brood by yourself in your youth, but I thought people were supposed to grow out of this feeling. As I grow older, Radiohead doesn’t. It stays in the same mood, same age, covering the same territory, constantly disappointed by some unspeakable, unknowable force. I wanted them to grow old with me, to mature into constantly new sounds. 

Radiohead needs to grow up. I did.