Panda Bear – Tomboy

                    Ah yes, the moment we’ve all been waiting for has finally arrived. Tomboy dropped today. What did the critics think? Usually questions such as that one are tossed aside as people claim “Hey, just enjoy the music”. Due to Panda Bear’s heavy critical darling status, it is basically impossible to judge it without considering his previous success with Animal Collective and on his own album “Person Pitch”.  I was curious as to how critics would react to his new, considerably less sprawling soundscapes or ‘songs’ as they are popularly known.  

                Panda Bear teased us with this album for roughly the past nine months. Countless cities were visited, with him allegedly tweaking the songs over and over again. EPs got released during this period to build up interest and anticipation. Though he said a lot of these songs were worked over again and again before becoming the album versions, I don’t personally hear a lot of difference between these versions and the EP versions. As I listen to it, it reminds me of the slight disappointment I felt when Real Estate released their album which was a collection of EPs rather than an album in the proper sense of the term. Familiarity with the EPs will dull one’s senses to the full impact of the album. If you’re reading this anyway, you’ve probably listened to these songs in EP form already. 

                TheNeedleDrops panned this album, giving in a ‘light 5’. Pitchfork gave it an ‘8.5’ below Panda Bear’s magnum opus “Person Pitch”, though most didn’t expect him to really beat the ‘9.4’ unless the album versions were extremely massive re-working. Most of these songs aren’t, excluding some additional reverb and sound effects. A few songs even sound weaker in their fully polished form than they did on the EPs. “Alsatian Darn” possibly my favorite song off of all the EPs, sounds weaker with this mix, as the song doesn’t hit as strongly as it did before now that excess sonic junk has been added. 

                What makes this a harder thing to love is the more ambient direction of a lot of the songs. “Person Pitch” had ornate structures, epic lengths, and multiple hypnotic sections. “Tomboy” feels awkward in comparison. On one hand, the lengths suggest a greater pop sense. Yet the songs are too spaced out to be considered accessible. By keeping the lengths short, Panda Bear avoids diving deep into sound like he did for “Person Pitch”. In many ways, the album appears to be a compromise between experimental and accessible, without being close enough to either side to be fully satisfying. Nothing is striking on this; the experimentation comes across more as leftover ideas than anything fully fleshed out.

               

                Expectations ran extremely high for this release. Unlike Avey Tare, who most people didn’t bother paying attention to, Panda Bear had something of a reputation as having the most active musical life outside of Animal Collective. No doubt this release will be held up not only to Panda Bear’s previous expectations, but Animal Collective’s “Merriweather Post Pavilion”. Such comparisons, while somewhat unreasonable, are unavoidable. Since they are otherwise so close-lipped about what they do, people need to read into each release they have as guidance for what may come next.

                I don’t know what is next for Panda Bear. This album had raised hopes for a great deal of people. Even while it is a good album, it is not a great album. Unfortunately people will interpret ‘good’ in this instance with the term ‘not great’ rather than accepting it as a fairly decent addition to Panda Bear’s discography. Panda Bear didn’t help things with constantly resetting the release date and killing off a great deal of buzz and goodwill of various music reviewers. Personally, I’d say listen to it yourself and form your own opinion. Reviews of this are too scatter-shot to summarize, but just don’t expect another Person Pitch.

Will “Kung Fu Panda 2: Kaboom of Doom” help to raise Panda Bear confidence?

Panda Bears have had a hard year. First, their most prominent Bear Noah Lennox failed to release his new album “Tomboy”. This hits this socially conscious and painfully hip (some might say alt) population of Panda Bears particularly hard. After they had converted him into becoming a full-fledged Panda (an act that they usually reserve for the most dedicated zoologists) he spat upon them. Only those EPs have prevented him from being torn apart for their amusement.

The recession hit the Panda population pretty hard as well. Never the most sexually active animal, they remain the only non-human animal for whom porn has been created, in an attempt to bring up their numbers. Seeing other Pandas having fun doesn’t increase confidence. I mean, most Pandas still live with their parents, having just graduated from a reputable State University. Working odd jobs, they contribute a little to the family finances, but they barely have enough to support themselves, let alone a boyfriend/girlfriend. So that Panda porn only reminds Pandas how much greener the grass is on the other side. China has tried to help, allowing Pandas more leeway in the one child policy, in an effort to stem their declining numbers. But it is hopeless as even environmentalists look for increasingly more adorable animals like Polar Bears, sheep, and former Simpson writers.

What are the Panda Bears to do in light of this receding interest? That’s what the Kung Fu Panda movies are for. Seeing a Panda master the art of Kung Fu, an art which most Panda are woefully ignorant of, they gain pride in their species. Obviously, since these are Panda Bears, a few minor changes are needed to make the movie more palpable for Panda audiences.

Jack Black is strangely enough considered an annoying jerk that has no actual talent in the Panda world. Here in the human world, they are beloved by tastemakers like Regis and Kelly. Instead, like the previous movie, Jack Black’s lines are redubbed using James Franco’s voice, a character that is truly appreciated in the Panda community. I mean, that guy was in Freaks and Geeks, how could you not like him? Also, in the Panda version, the pop culture references change. Instead, there are way more Animal Collective jokes, which work on multiple levels for Pandas.  More James K. Polk jokes are also included, since that former US president enjoys a strong cult following among the bamboo eaters.

Maybe it will be this movie that truly helps to teach Pandas about their rich heritage. Their contribution to Chinese culture is second to none. Seeing that Panda effectively defeat his enemies might convince Pandas that perhaps now is a good time to raise a family, despite the obvious hardships that such a decision entails. Perhaps their children might master the art of Kung Fu, an art which Pandas have yet to fully comprehend. We can only hope.

Panda Bear - What I want

Noah Lennox knows how to do viral advertising. As I approached Pier 11, I got to see the famous musician dressed in a Panda costume dispensing pesticide-free Soy Milk (in chocolate and vanilla form). Perhaps due to the lateness of his album, he has been forced to sell stuff on the side. Most of the people who approached him were small children who found the Panda suit cute, hipsters who found the Panda suit cute, and, of course, furries.

Why they chose Pier 11 to depart from is anyone's guess, but seeing the inside of a Water Taxi made me feel classy. Upholstered seating adorned the luxurious cabin which oozed of wealth and people well-off enough to use it on a frequent basis.

Of course, the event took place at the Beach, one of the few places on the island that's well protected. But its bigger reason is the joy of seeing the Manhattan skyline. That view is one reason why hobos used to swim across the river to Governors Island. In the early 90s they had a veritable hobo paradise on the island, living in decrepit old homes, getting asbestos in their lungs. Things were easier then, that was before the city came up with the policy of hitting hobos with flip-flops, and far before freegans started eating all their food.

But I digress. There were a few acts I got the joy of witnessing. Our first one had to be some random DJ who played boring dub reggae. All of his transitions were terrible. My only guess as to why he was allowed was the other DJs he beat used the age-old transitions of loud belching into the microphone. So that was terrible.

After that, literally anything sounded better. Teengirl Fantasy brought a little bit of fun. Reading about them, it sounds like they've come a long way. They were fun but nothing really stuck out at me. Some of their choices in varying the music were sort of strange (like bass drum rushes? Who does that?) But it felt like good, mindless fun before the more intense stuff came on.

Gala Drop came from Panda Bear's adopted city Lisbon. Actually, I enjoyed them. Each song they picked contributed directly to the atmosphere, like a form of aural architecture. Often they'd reference kosmic German music from the 70s or minimal dub. Neither one of those things is bad in my book, so I'm happy to wish them the best. Personally I felt like they did the minimal stuff the best, but that's just a personal preference.

If you're reading this, most likely you're hoping I get to Panda Bear. But, to help you with the frustrating experience live music can be, I'll tell you about Avery Tare's set. Unlike the opening DJ, who was terrible, Avery had almost too much taste. The set began bizarrely with I think something from the Godfather, I could be wrong. Basically he kept the event very specific to the crowd being played too. Hell, he even threw in Steely Dan, so he's alright in my book.

"Drone" started Panda Bear's set, sounding off like an alarm. Immediately I ran as quickly as I could towards the station, away from learning how to play Blackjack (I know how to play now, that's an important life skill). Someone next to me asked if it was going to be this abstract the whole night, and I answered correctly "No".

From there, we got exclusively new tracks, some of which sounded absolutely fantastic. Like, if you thought Person Pitch was good, this would be great. The mantra of "What I want" melted into one of the best songs I've ever heard from Panda Bear. A juicy bass, thumping percussion, and a melody to kill for merged into something so delightful I got chills. Right now his live show works as a test for the new material. Most of it sounds great, but I understand he is under a lot of pressure. Multiple live shows then allow him to determine how to edit, what to keep, what to remove, etc. But honestly, I was happy with all the material and hopefully it'll be out by the end of October (that's the new date, we'll see if he keeps to it).

Part of me wanted to see Panda Bear do some old stuff. A few people near me wanted "Bros" which would have been so sweet. Instead, we got massive, sky-filling music. I'd avoid calling it arena rock since the music is specifically designed to make sure you don't sing along that you mumble. Plus, it just sounded like it was being transmitted from somewhere far away. My brain smiled at the set and he even did an encore, which was a nice bonus since otherwise it would've been a short set.

Getting back I saw something that made me wonder if maybe multiple universes exist, or if I live in a different one. The taxi ferries had a person limit, but some jerk tried jumping the fence to meet his stupid, useless friends. Looking at him, it would be hard to take him at his word. With complete douche behavior, he felt he might win an argument against a cop. He didn't.

Meanwhile, on the other side of me, someone peed not once, but twice on the wall, surrounded only by an entire crowd of people struck by disbelief by the sheer stupidity of him.

"I told you once before, please hold it until you board the ferry" - Cop

"I wasn't peeing, some water just happened to run down my leg" was this idiot's response.

When these two people met in the front of the line, they must have realized that miracles do happen. That chance works out for the most boneheaded and douche. A douche bag parallel universe exists as well, for when they got together; they took it to the next level.

The guy peeing on the wall wet himself. A giant pee stain adorned his crotch. Rather than show normal emotions like embarrassment, he tried picking up women with his lack of bladder control, even helping to point out his pee stain to potential mates as he thought in his mind, but in reality were just normal disgusted human beings.

His jumping friend tried and failed to make himself look better by comparison. Think of two douche bags doing the worst job of being each other's wingman and you've got it. While his friend peed himself, he stated, he merely came in his pants. Perhaps this was a Saturday Night Live reference, but unsurprisingly no one was impressed. In their universe woman are turned on by men wetting themselves and talking about ejaculating in public.

Great concert, but I have shown I don't understand how some of the audience even got there.

Panda Bear – Saturday, September 11th, 2010

Months of anticipation will finally be put to rest. After purchasing these tickets long ago, I sort of forgot about them. I figured that by now Panda Bear would’ve had his album out now and that I could have become familiar with it.

Sadly, living in Portugal has dulled Panda Bear’s flair for work. Instead, we’re still hanging on a prayer that at some point Noah Lennox will get his act together and release what looks like 11 songs, based off of various “live leaks”. Now don’t get me wrong, I have enjoyed the EPs up to this point, but I did wish that we could get the same sprawling, giant tracks that adorned “Person Pitch”. Maybe those songs are in the pipeline.

Anyway, I feel like you should come out. I’d appreciate your company on that small ferry as we head into Manhattan’s last true artist colony. Then I could explain to you why so many of my posts this week have been based heavily on AM pop hits.

Nah, I’ll do that now. Basically, I focused heavily on AM pop hits because they are everywhere. They form the wallpaper music you find in any large setting, due to their generally inoffensive nature. A taco bell has it, a dentist’s office has it, and a train station has it. But I feel as we cross over that small body of water, leaving the hustle and bustle of the city, we should have one of the following artists on:

Steely Dan

The Doobie Brothers

Newer AM influenced hits:

Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti

Lovelife – 1994

My pick would be the following:

The Doobie Brothers – Open Your Eyes

Somebody should print out the following lyrics:

“Girl, as we take a long last look at this love
Before you go, I've got to know
I've got to know, was it ever true
I've got to hear it from you
Girl, I can take one more hurt in this heart
Before you go, I've got to know
I've got to know, was it ever true
I've got to hear it from you

Not like before
We were lost in a whirling dance
Never slowing down
Long enough to give truth a chance
To come out
So that the light could shine in

And open your eyes
If it's not real, there's no reason to frown
Open your eyes
Let's not let what never was bring us down

I've got to know, was it ever true
I've got to hear it from you

Not like before
We were lost in a whirling dance
Never slowing down
Long enough to give truth a chance
To come out
So that the light could shine in

And open your eyes
If it's not real, there's no reason to frown
Open your eyes
Let's not let what never was bring us down...”

So as you’re hanging around in your plaid shirt, full length skirt, moccasins, or whatever you feel like wearing, we could have a dance party. Not good dancing, but more like Peanuts quality dance moves. Look at each other, hug each other. Learn to be brothers and sisters to each other.

On a side note, I feel there needs to be a Terry Riley (You’re No Good) type remix of this song, lasting about 22 minutes with the song repeated in bits ad nausea. I feel this song has enough sections and light enough fare for such an endeavor to be effective.

See you on Saturday!