Occasionally I try to give out important social skills to improve your life. Whether it is how to act at Karaoke, getting a MIX CD together, or just learning more about writers, I guide you through this crazy world we live in. Believe me though; nothing is crazier than the Westboro Baptist Church.
Here a group of people have made a career out of pissing people off. Not just by thumbing their noses at you, but by protesting at funerals for fallen soldiers. Each time someone attacks or assaults them, or in any way bothers them, they sue. An entire legal practice has been made off of their idiocy, the Phelps Charted Law Firm. Great deals of money are generated by this, literally hundreds of thousands of dollars. Basically, they support themselves by being the world’s biggest in-real-life trolls.
Their insanity would be funny if they weren’t so serious about it. Some of their targets are absolutely abhorrent, such as their insistence of protesting at Marines’ funerals. Basically, they are internet trolls if internet trolls had a $200,000 traveling budget and a couple of sign holders uttering complete nonsense for a couple of hours.
Other targets of theirs appear to be almost nonsensical. Sweden draws their ire, as does the Italy, which they call “mobster-breeders”. The language at times becomes so intense, so hateful, that one wonders if they even are a church or the most obtuse concept art known to man.
Below are a few ways of dealing with them that hopefully will limit your intense disgust at these foul-mouthed losers from Kansas.
1. Do not get too close – Many of their successful lawsuits come from people assaulting them. I mean, if you see a couple of jerkoffs who traveled halfway across the country to protest at your best friend’s funeral, you’d be bothered too. Avoid physical contact
2. Keep your cool – No need to rile them up. Keep in mind these are just words, and, while deliberately made to be as hurtful as possible, they can’t actually physically hurt you. If you try to threaten them or in any way bother them, they’ll leave.
3. Make out – Uh, if you were a part of a giant, cult-like, hate-filled family, imagine how angry you’d be if you saw other people making out. That’d annoy you, I’d imagine. Bring a boyfriend. Bring a girlfriend. Bring multiple friends. Kiss in front of them, effectively melting their hearts (just kidding, but your love will counterbalance their hate to some degree).
4. Not Today, Fred – This is a great sign. Fred Phelps heads up whatever you want to call them (they aren’t a church since no church recognizes them as such). Let him know you’re not okay with him today. My God loves everyone.
5. Raise money – For every minute they protest, have people contribute money. You’d be surprised how energized an 81 year old man can be by hate alone. Usually there’s a few of them, I guess they take turns protesting everything on Earth.
6. Make a website called “Godhates____.com” and refuse them the weblink – This is a good idea. They have websites like “GodhatesAmerica.com”, “GodhatesSweden.com”, and so on. Block this problem. Create sites like “GodhatesBelgium.com” or “Godhateslefthandedpeople.com” or “Godhatesitwhenpeanutbutterstickstotheroofofyourmouth.com”. Creating these limits the amount of websites they have, or at least bothers them. Apparently one of the members of this cult is fairly skilled with website layout. I have zero idea of how that happened.
7. Counter-Protesting in General – Every time I’ve counter-protested some ridiculous group (something that happens quite often in New York) I’ve ended up meeting great people. So while they are awful, countering their arguments is fairly easily. You know, you just might make a new friend.
8. Call a couple of Motorcyclists to Protect you – A motorcycle club who acts as a buffer between the Westboro Baptist Church and normal people. They go around the country, helping others just like you. The Patriot Guard Riders are a great group of peoples.
9. Ignore them – This goes under the age old advice to dealing with internet trolls: don’t feed the trolls. By paying attention to them you encourage their behavior. If you’re unable to do this, to ignore their awfulness, feel free to use the other tips.
10. Go to the UK – They can’t go there. Under the UK’s quintessentially English-named law “Least Wanted List” they are barred from ever entering the country.
Basically, ignoring them is the best strategy. Some have posited the idea that he doesn’t care at all about what he protests against. None of this protests are against a particular person, just a group, idea, or country. Since Westboro Baptist church is such a nutty group, see the following link about their existence as a profit-making entity:
The Theory
I hope this list gives you some way of coping with the distress they cause.
