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| The Hipster Grifter, a shot of class. |
Ah, the Clinton Era. What a great time it was to be alive under one of the most laissez-faire politicians known to man. He interfered in so little, let business do its thing, and generally a great time was had by all. Especially during his period with an unnamed intern who changed the world forever.
Communism had been defeated. The internet came about and increased productivity. Even the economy grew so fast that a group of people known as the “middle class” still existed. Obviously this happened before the economy tanked hard after Bush’s tenure and real incomes (for the vast majority of America) stopped experiencing any actual growth.
Life could not have been better. Sure, the Republicans tried clamping down on this happy atmosphere by accusing Clinton of improper relations with an intern. But having parental advisories for the news backfired. Watching the news for more improper conduct became a national pastime, and gave Saturday Night Live a new lease on life. Children learned more about what college would be like through NBC news with Tom Brokaw (via explaining sexual techniques and stained dresses).
That’s where “The Thong Song” came from. Sisqo decided to write a tasteful, respectful song about women’s undergarments and his love for them. Keeping up with the delicate sensibilities he demanded, he decided to make the music video an understated affair, only showing about 800 different women in the video in stages of undress. Originally his benefactors wanted 3,000, but Sisqo convinced them of the importance of letting him do “his art”. His art consisted of different close-ups of women’s asses of various sizes and plumpness.
Class reeked from the song itself, complete with a beautiful orchestra made of people who needed to pay rent by the end of the week. Together, they embodied the positive spirit that was about to leave the great country of the US of A. Clinton would be leaving this plain of existence, moving to a level so high that he could talk to Kim Jong Il whenever he felt like it and unlimited use of various pornographers’ private jets.
What happened after that golden era of the thong song was brutal. No longer could songs be written with the deliberate intent of being “ironic”. Instead, everybody started taking themselves seriously, since we were at war. Vice Presidents became more interesting than the Presidents they served under (Bush was boring, Cheney was entertaining).
Many rued the day that the “Thong Song” lost its popularity. How could any other artist hope to do the thong justice the way Sisqo did? Who else could create an entire song based purely on a suggestive undergarment? Sisqo couldn’t even bring his art back up, after dedicating an entire album to advertising IPODs, cell phones, and whatever else held the imagination of little children. Later he ended up being a lawyer in Miami specializing in sexual harassment cases.
Really it is disappointing how technology has replaced our desire with “thongs” for “3G networks”. Perhaps one day a new sun will shine on America and remind it of wholesome tongue-in-cheek lewdness. We can only hope.