Beirut’s come back to us.

                 Where have you been Zach Condon? Have you been finishing up High School so you’ll no longer be a High School dropout? Or did you return back to the Balkans to learn more about Balkan Folk music so you can ‘indie-fy” it for culturally ignorant Americans? 

                Really, you’ve missed out on a lot by keeping a low profile the past few years. Your last album was in 2007. Back then, people were willing to wait longer for albums. I don’t know if you have enough clout to just sort of sit on your laurels the way LCD Soundsystem did or Arcade Fire did. “March of the Zapotec/Holland EP” was your last EP in the hit filled year of 2009. Compared to Animal Collective, Neon Indian and the chillwave gang, you didn’t stand a chance. 

                Maybe you missed your chance to become a giant powerhouse of music by waiting so long. Brooklyn seems to have dulled your senses. You have married, but what music have you come out with lately? I know your work on the “Realpeople” electro project might have tried to capitalize on blog house music, but otherwise you’ve been quiet, too quiet for the ravenous music-devouring hordes on the internet. You do seem to have found a niche with lonely people on the internet who play your first album over and over again on Last.fm (to be honest, most of your fan base scares me). Whoever listens to “The Flying Cup Club” on repeat worries me a tad since that album was in hindsight a tad bit weak. 

                Now I hear you may be coming out with a new album this year. A few things can be done to get your band back in shape. Get your twitter back in order. Tweet about every little aspect of each song. Make an actual twitter account, like Beirut2011. Follow Beach House’s example; make the twitter account the year you break through to popularity. Do what James Murphy did and release cryptic YouTube videos of you recording in a haunted house. Since you’re in New Mexico, perhaps you could say something mystical as you walk through the desert at night. 

                Get your website updated. I’m glad to see “Sunday Smile” is available for download, but that song came out during the George W. Bush administration. How about you give at the very least a newer MP3 to download, like a single song you’re comfortable releasing. Do you even have any new songs written? If not, just offer some leftovers and call it ‘an exclusive premier’ or talk about whatever world tours you’re doing. I’m glad you did some tours back in 2010, but this is a new year. That lazy website might work for Black Dice since no one cares about them, but I thought you wanted this band thing to be big, why else would you have moved to Brooklyn.

                It seems you have done one thing right: you got Pitchfork to do your announcements for you. They mentioned you’re touring with all those bands that make sweet money cakes and win awards. Arcade Fire might be a surrogate family for you. While the music scene has changed, they’ve stayed true to themselves. Since your music generally mines pre-existing European folk traditions, the Arcade Fire might help you out due to their unique status of being the whitest band on Earth. With all that time you’ll spend with them you could learn how to win a Grammy as well.

                Not all bands can stay true to themselves. Just as a backup for relevancy and authenticity, I’d suggest having a retro synthesizer just in case you decide to explore 80s pop music with a lo-fi sound. That’s kind of a big thing right now, so it is a comfortable crutch if you need it. I’m not saying you do, but it is good thing to have if you want to get your predominately wistful and bleary eyed (due to crying) fan base dancing.

                Think about it. I can’t tell you what to do. Only you can. Figure out how to open up in spectacular fashion. Get a ton of hype, pull a Panda Bear and tease your audience with rumors of an album. Whatever you do, just remember the internet buzz sleeps for no man. Avoid the fate of Bright Eyes. Rise above.

The Strokes – Angles (Fin)

Previously on Beach Sloth:

               I guess it had to happen. Today the verdict’s in: guilty. The Strokes are guilty of overstaying their welcome. Coolness gone, the party’s over and they’re busy talking up a storm of boring to a bunch of hosts who just want to go to sleep. Perhaps this was inevitable; a band which captured a moment so well was due to get some sort of backlash. 

                They received the exact same score they got the last time for “First Impressions of Earth” on Pitchfork. Of course, they are going to continue sloughing through like their even-worse reviewed compatriots Interpol. Bands created in 2001 have mostly given up the ghost. LCD Soundsystem is doing a ‘final call’ as James Murphy goes on to focus exclusively on his record label DFA Records. The White Stripes, a band I never really enjoyed a huge amount for reason I won’t fully explain here, called it quits as well. 

                What did Pitchfork exactly dislike about the new album? First, they didn’t like disconnect between the songs and lyrics. Apparently the band hadn’t realized they were no longer cool and continued on oblivious to their own irrelevance. Pitchfork I’m certain has a certain timespan for how long a band is allowed to be important in the giant blog-o-sphere. 

                Accusations were thrown around of the band phoning it in for most of the songs. Perhaps this is true. I feel that’s true for a lot of bands in general. Reading through the article, I felt parts of it felt a bit more optimistic than the 5.9 suggested. Especially towards the end where they complimented a few tracks. Keep in mind the 5.9 is around the cusp for Pitchfork. Though they panned this album, it was a light panning. The Strokes might consider this more of a warning if they continue down this path.

                Since the Strokes were pretty ambivalent about continuing the project in the first place, this may be the death knell of the group. Instead, all of them may break up and focus on their side projects rather than suffer another critical drubbing. Once they’ve announced they are breaking up, Pitchfork can then announce it on their left-hand sidebar with a disclaimer in the beginning saying “Told you so. Those guys blew.”

                Operation Make Everyone Satisfied, the condescending title of Julian Casablanca’s approach towards the album, summarizes it well. Julian couldn’t have cared less how this did. It is telling at live shows people scream for them to play their older songs. Their last attempt to reinvent themselves failed, crashing and burning behind them. Most of the songs got drubbed.  

                Personally, I liked the album more than the fellows at Pitchfork. No, I didn’t love it. But then, I never really loved the Strokes. Angles were a decent attempt to create a new sound which wasn’t entirely successful. The Strokes are just a band who fell out of favor with critical darlings. 2001 was a long time ago. Things change. 

                Hearing about this failure, countless people now realize they’re too old for this stuff. No longer can you accept beer in delightful red cups. All those great memories of the Strokes playing at some hip off-campus party are just that, memories. Instead, we should tell our children and grandchildren about that crazy band which virtually embodied being a twenty something and hip. The Strokes have officially gone into that magical place called nostalgia, where New Order and Depeche Mode currently reside. It was a good run guys. 

                Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

LCD Soundsystem on “The Colbert Report”

I was there

                In the midst of my favorite social peers. We were together, willing to celebrate the joyous event. Stephen Colbert smiled gallantly at the illustrious young audience. One could feel the love in the air. It was Valentine’s Day, and everyone sat in anticipation for the musical guest, a rarity for the Colbert Report. LCD Soundsystem was going to play, but first we’d have to play Colbert’s game, being willing participants in laughter, applause. Usually the musical guests tended to be bands less authentic, less hip. After the Daily Show had the Grammy-winning ‘Arcade Fire’ perform, Colbert had to step his game up. 

                I was there

                As Stephen Colbert made some funny jokes about Muburak. These varied in effectiveness. Honestly, I felt like all the jokes about Muburak had already been made as Colbert got ripped from my side last week. Feeling confused, scared, wondering why Colbert would just take off a random week like that. Thankfully it didn’t last too long. 

                I was there

                Listening to Colbert mention something I’d explored earlier. My article about Paul Wooten got mentioned, kind of. Originally the New York Times wrote about it, but my commentary on it was vaguely more humorous. Copying some of my questions, like how old is too young to sue a kid, was a nice touch. Part of me felt a certain kinsman ship to Mr. Colbert. He ‘got it’. 

                I was there

                Watching with eager anticipation as some 41 year old came on stage. This would be James Murphy’s last television broadcast appearance as LCD Soundsystem. Good thing I saw them at Terminal 5, before they started asking for mortgage down payments in order to pay for tickets. But I sat, quivering with pure uncut excitement as this disheveled mid-age man explained after LCD Soundsystem he wanted to follow his dream. Even at his old age, he felt he could still make coffee, could still run DFA Records, and still pump up the jams of varying degrees of intensity. 

                I was there

                Hearing the first bits of the song “I can change” I thought how appropriate. But really, I don’t want James Murphy to change. I want him to continue to have his awesome band until it dies an inglorious death. Each synthesizer makes it worth it, all 8 of them. Multiple drummers, random woman as a ‘romantic interest’, LCD Soundsystem had it all. Playing a short song bothered me a wee bit, as the audience began to get both ‘hot’ and ‘bothered’ by the intensity of their performance. We wanted a hit, but we knew he doesn’t do hits. Indeed it was tough, because we hadn’t had enough, but then he hit the road.

Out Hud – S.T.R.E.E.T D.A.D 8.4

Really, I have no idea what this acronym stands for. Nor do these California dance rockers offer any sort of insight either. But since (!!!) came out of this, you should probably realize that it is pretty good.

I prefer this album to their second one for a few reasons. For one, the best song on “Let Us Never Speak of It again” kind of harked back to the weird fests of this one (Dear Mr. Bush, There Are over 100 Words for Shit and Only 1 for Music. Fuck You, Out Hud). Plus, this one doesn’t feel the need to win you over with coy lyrics and other cutesy effects.

Actually, Street Dad has a large amount of instability running through its vein. The song structures in this album are unsound, which is truly a delight once dealing with dance music. Most dance music focuses purely on groove, and tends to avoid these strange sidesteps.  “Dad, There's A Little Phrase Called Too Much Information”. Oh yes, that song sort of sums up their purpose. Grooves are built up only to be overwhelmed with additional blasts of over-distorted drum kicks.

Plus, there is that cello. Here they display it prominently. It adds to the groove, making it almost classical dance music, almost. “Hair Dude, You're Stepping on My Mystique” shows off some very nice cello playing, along with their aforementioned love of instability.

“The L Train Is a Swell Train and I Don’t Want to Hear You Indies Complain” is the best track on here. First, it is kind of a funny name, especially considering how the L train has become the gentrification express rather than something to be worried about. But there’s everything they are good at here: abrupt shifts, actual emotion, grooves, cello, etc. It is amazing how much inspiration they drew for this from the awkwardly named great project "Peter Gordon and the Love of Life Orchestra", right down to the length and classical influences.

I sort of wish that Out Hud continued with their project, but I know that (!!!) gained too much prominence for them to ignore that avenue. Also, many of these players ended up being in the even cooler LCD Soundsystem. Oh well, I guess we still have this to remember them by.

Skeletal Lamping, False Priest, Of Montreal, Add Yeast

Of Montreal came out with a new album False Priest this week. That means they begin the arduous touring schedule they are so well known for. Usually they try to do at least 40 stops per tour, often more. Kevin Barnes has “tour fluffers” in order to keep him in tip-top shape once he hits the stage. White ponies aren’t just going to ride themselves.

Last album got a lot of flak for being “insanely sexual”. I remember for the opening concert at the Roseland, he rode on stage almost naked riding a white horse (he got an upgrade from his usual pony). Most reviews talked about how obsessively self-indulgent the whole affair was, usually citing how many different ideas were shoved into each song. Max Tundra complained about that same criticism once he began releasing his music. It is a lazy and usually unwarranted criticism. Whatever critic uses it tends to focus exclusively on hooks and catchiness. Most of those tend to be unfamiliar with more challenging fare, and are ill-suited for such reviews. Also, I’ve noticed that a general rule of thumb tends to be voting against rather than for these hyper-active landscapes.

False Priest appears to be a different beast. Rock actually rears its ugly head through all the millions of synthesizers and various drum machines. Plus, it sounds as if Kevin has moved away from the pure joyous freak-outs of Skeletal Lamping. Of course, I need to spend more time with this album and let it grow on me. My computer frustrations could not have come at a worse time. Generally I like to be somewhat familiar with an album before just committing myself to a concert (with Panda Bear being a notable exception).

Nonetheless, I think Kevin will come out in heavy form for this. Maybe he moved away from the astronomically bizarre reaches on Skeletal Lamping since he needed to be a more normal role model for his child. I still find it weird he has a kid, and I figure that kid’s rebellion against his parents’ high weirdness will be something like becoming an actuary or something. Yes, he’ll rebel by being really boring, kind of like Ned Flanders reacted against his parents’ Beatnik lifestyle.

My only worry has to do with the venue. Terminal 5 is a dreadful, dreadful concert hall. Bringing together all the worst of large venues with the worst of small venues, it feels like the suburbs, in that ugly gray zone. Hopefully the concert itself will be good enough to overcome this almost crippling problem. Hell, LCD Soundsystem did it, but then LCD Soundsystem is amazing.

See you there everyone!