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| Face of the lobotomized generation |
Pauly Shore is one of the greatest film directors the world has ever seen. Besides directing such timeless classics as “Pauly Shore’s ‘Adopted” and “My Big Fat Independent Movie”, he’s also focused on his own mortality. “Pauly Shore is Dead” focuses on his death as a way of jump-starting his stalled career. A career which gave us such touching films like “Bio-Dome” and the lush beauty of “In the Army Now” which comments heavily on America’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy.
Anyway, Pauly explains in countless interviews about his latest film: “The Notebook”. In this he tries to tell a story about two lovers and their journey to become one. Much of the film is based off of his own experiences, making it the most personal film he’s ever written. Parts of the movie will make you feel, Pauly assures us. Below is a synopsis of the plot, so if you want to protect yourself against spoilers, skip the below.
The movie begins with an elderly man reading a story on an ancient IPAD to a brain in a jar. Slowly the scene fades away to a time long ago, in the year 3187 on the planet Zybex. Back then the brain actually had a body and it belonged in a woman, a ravishing woman who played softball in her spare time. Jill Albright’s compassion towards others was legendary in the Van Dyke galaxy. Played with stunning gusto by Lindsay Lohan, she longs for someone to help her get off of the planet, which is soon going to be invaded by the Empire.
Pauly Shore plays the benevolent goofball Jack Corazza, a young recruit in the green Infantry. Answering the call of duty as set forth by the planet’s leader Ralph Nader (played by Christopher Walken), Jack is determined to save his planet from the invading hordes of the Empire’s armies. Collecting water on the top of a large hill along with Jill, Jack and Jill really hit it off. We see through flashbacks that they attended the same High School, but back then Jack and Jill were merely friends with benefits. Happy at the prospect of having their first true love, Jack and Jill roll down the hill and are about to hit the ground hard.
Instead of falling down and breaking their crowns, they aim to hit the ground softly and miss. Together the two fly above into the planet’s atmosphere. Worried about a lack of oxygen at such a high altitude, the power of their love encases them in a protective shell. Looking forward, they see the giant battleships of the Empire rapidly heading towards their planet.
A long take shows off the size and might of the ships. You finally get to see the evil overlord whose armies have been taking over vast chunks of the universe. The Dark Lord is a bloodthirsty, deviant and emotionally stunted great man played by Jason Schwartzman. Jason Schwartzman’s performance is similar to his role as Max Fisher, except that he’s a vicious master trying to work through Daddy issues. His top general Kurt Wagner (played by Jackie Chan) informs them of the provisions needed for the troops. So that means they’ll have to make a stop in the Whole Foods planet first. Also, Kurt informs the Dark Lord of dangerously low supplies of reduced fat sun chips.
Jack and Jill land on the robot planet. They are both distraught and worried about their loved ones, their friends, their families who are right in harm’s way. While exploring the planet, searching for a quiet, low-key bar or bowling alley to hang out in, they meet Optimus Prime (played by Steve Buscemi). As they wish they could be big and strong like Optimus, Optimus tells them otherwise. Optimus explains how as robots they can’t experience love, and how he would gladly trade his body for just a mere day as being a human. Bubblebee (played by Bjork) comes along and agrees with him. Together Jack and Jill undergo an experimental procedure to obtain their robotic bodies.
Flying back to their home planet, they realize all is not lost. Seeing how the Empire is at the local Whole Foods planet, a showdown occurs. But the quick-witted Jack and Jill use Kombucha bottles as weapons. By shaking them really hard, they explode in the troop’s faces, temporarily blinding them. Using that short amount of time, they blast away most of the army. Defeated, the Dark Lord heads back to his native planet of San Francisco to ban plastic bags and happy meals.
Back to the hospital room, we see the brain in the jar placed into a new, beautiful, young woman’s body. The old man has his brain sucked out by a vacuum cleaner and placed into a virile young man’s body. What Pauly is telling us in this scene is that love is eternal and knows no physical bonds, since in the future we can place our brains into new bodies.
Hopefully Pauly Shore will continue to bring enlightenment to the movie-going masses. Think of him as the Martin Scorsese of the lobotomized generation.