Tao Lin remains a perennial favorite here at Beach Sloth. What he does interests me. I apologize then for the lateness of this post, but I figure this might help others cheer up in their search for their significant other, whether alt or not.
Wishing upon a star, Tao hoped and pleaded to have a girlfriend to truly understand him. Apparently the star read “Richard Yates” so the wish came true. That star must have also seen the interview with Alexi Wasser, of “Imboycrazy.com”. Alexi delved into Tao’s inner most wants and thoughts, he wanted a girlfriend. Not just any girlfriend, mind you, but one who read his books, wanted to do drugs with him and one who could laugh together with him.
Of course, like all romantic comedies it ends up being the person who is closest to you. Or, in Lin’s case, that person you beat up while on Ecstasy. I’m talking about the beloved and wonderful Megan Boyle, his cohort in crime up until this point.
Facebook made it official, they were in a relationship. Some claimed to have ‘called it’ but can anyone really predict where Cupid’s arrow will go? The answer is: No. Love is a beautiful, unpredictable thing that I hope one day to experience, so I wish the young couple well.
Each of them helps compliment the other: Tao has an exciting career as a starving writer writing for the alt-o-sphere; Megan has an exciting career as a starving writer writing for the alt-o-sphere. Together you see them smiling together, both having abandoned neutral expressions for allowing their true passions to shine through.
I wonder how Tao will introduce himself to Megan’s dad. Below is probably a ‘good way’ he could introduce himself:
“Hello Mr. Boyle, I’m Tao Lin, a famous writer for alt people. I manage my own vaguely unprofitable Publishing House (Muumuu House). I wrote the successful book "Richard Yates". Your daughter has done cocaine off the head of my penis.”
That’s the best way he could do it, never mind how two poverty-stricken writers managed to afford cocaine. Honestly, I’m certain that Megan’s dad, after reading her piece called “Everyone I’ve had Sex with” is a pretty difficult person to shock in general. After all, when he sees how cute the couple looks together, his heart will surely melt.
Perhaps some of Tao’s facebook followers are right: maybe it is a chill ass publicity stunt. But aren’t all attempts at love just chill ass publicity stunts, meant to help you soar to that greater height of enlightenment. Having followed Tao on facebook, I’ll now have to get on top of following Ms. Boyle as well (metaphorically on top, not literal. I’m sure that Tao is ‘literally’ on top, though he might not be. To be honest, I’m not sure what their relationship dynamic is like.)
Reading and seeing how happy they are warms my heart. I wish sometimes that I could find my other alt piece (of ass!). Will this even be possible, should I stick through it like Tao did, being single until the perfect one arrives? Or did it take time for their love to blossom. Perhaps while in the midst of their many drug-fueled films (MDMA films) they realized how perfect they were for the other.
Alt means alternative, but in German it means “old”. I guess that sums me up well: I continue my alternative lifestyle while I grow old, wondering if there will ever that special someone. Should I simply subject myself to normalcy, resigning myself to the fate of ‘office clown’? I just don’t know anymore, I feel so happy that others are able to experience that true, pure emotion of love that seems to constantly dodge me as if it owed me money. There might even be others who loved me and I remained too foolish to realize it, until it was too late.
For those of you who worry about finding that ‘special someone’ the person who makes you feel metaphorically warm and gooey inside, let Tao and Megan’s tale be an inspiration to you. These are extremely awkward, hip, cool kids. They made it together without having to sacrifice any of what makes them special. Stick with it, be yourself. Take pride in who you are, others will appreciate you for it, and someday one might even love you for it.